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17 December 2006 @ 03:53 am
Derek's first thoughts as he slowly came to consciousness were centered completely around the sickening feeling in his stomach, the lack of any moisture in his mouth and the extreme pain in his head. Instinctively, he burrowed his face closer to Addison, wishing that the mere presence of her sleeping body would make his hangover disappear. As he was trying to quell his sickening feelings by covering his closed eyes in her hair, Derek realized exactly what he was doing.

Why in the hell was he holding Addison? She was staying in the hotel doing Mark. Derek was living alone in the trailer, battling a vet for Meredith's affections. He was not supposed to be holding Addison in his arms.

He opened one eye cautiously to verify that it was, in fact, his wife in his arms. If the familiar smell and feel of her body against him hadn't been enough, the sight of her red hair and pale skin sealed the deal. Which once again begged the question: Why in the hell was he holding Addison?

Pushing aside the debilitating hangover symptoms as much he could, Derek tried to analyze why Addison was sleeping here. He remembered appendicitis and Meredith. He could recall Addison's disappointment and Mark's unexpected arrival at SGH. There had been alcohol. Yes, there had definitely been alcohol.

And that was where details got fuzzy. Derek furrowed his brow, attempting to recall more of the stored memories. He'd definitely called Addison, but he couldn't remember why. Judging by their clothing, they hadn't had sex (although their cuddling was making him doubt that). That was all he could bring to light at this point in the morning; concentrating on his ailments was much more pressing.

With a sigh, he rolled away from her and pulled the covers over his head, successfully blocking out any light. He just wished the rest of the world would go away.
xaddis0nx on December 17th, 2006 10:49 am (UTC)
Addison shivered slightly as the cold Seattle air snuck underneath the covers because Derek had created a bridge with it across their bodies, leaving a wide empty space between them. She stirred a little, missing the physical contact that they'd shared the entire night. Turning her body, she lay on her back and rubbed her eyes before turning her head to look at him.

Judging by the sound of his breathing and the manner in which the covers were over his head, Addison deduced that he was awake. She sighed, remembering that the night before was their last night together. It was really over, and that was it.

She sat up in bed and patted down her hair. "Derek, are you awake?" she asked softly, feeling it better to start their conversation with something simple. Their agreement for Addison to stay there for the night had certainly cause things to become more complicated, and she knew he would want to prolong that conversation afterall.
dr_shep on December 17th, 2006 10:55 am (UTC)
Though Addison had spoken softly, her voice still seemed too loud for Derek's ears. He winced slightly but didn't move from the covers, still clinging to the hope that if he stayed there for long enough the hangover would disappear.

When that didn't happen, because it was a hopeless notion, Derek sighed. "Yes."
xaddis0nx on December 17th, 2006 11:15 am (UTC)
Addison let out a yawn as she continued to watch his motionless body covered by the blanket. She figured he must've been pretty hungover considering how drunk he'd been last night. Then her mind began to wander and she thought about how much he could have remembered about what had happened.

She silently cursed herself for not having thought of this the night before. If Derek was hungover enough to not remember that he'd asked her to stay, he might conclude that she possibly took advantage or had some ulterior motive.

Sighing, Addison really hoped that wouldn't be the case. She swung her legs over the side of the bed and stood up, turning back to Derek. "I'll uh, make you some coffee," she offered quietly and walked to the kitchen. She didn't know how being nice would come off to him, but last night or not, she was still technically his wife and he had called her to take care of him.
dr_shep on December 17th, 2006 11:27 am (UTC)
He couldn't really avoid wondering why she was here anymore. He knew he'd called her, which could only have been expected. That was a habit he'd developed years before.

But somehow they'd gotten from Addison taking care of a drunken Derek to him holding her through the night. Apparently, he was missing a pretty huge chunk of their night. He desperately wished he could recall it.

Had they fought? Had he said anything fundamentally stupid? Had he agreed to something she'd asked for? He couldn't quite remember. The last thing he honestly remembered of Addison was the look of disappointment on her face as she told him not to hurt Meredith again. He shuddered at the thought (the alcohol apparently hadn't taken away the sting of her expression).

Slowly, he lowered the covers from his eyes, wondering if he'd be able to recall the night while talking to her.

xaddis0nx on December 17th, 2006 11:42 am (UTC)
"Yeah?" Addison called back from the kitchen as she put on a pot of coffee. She really didn't know what to expect from their impending conversation. A number of things could happen and she wasn't sure which one was best, or even which one she wanted to happen. Her body was still jumbled with all of these mixed feelings for Derek and she couldn't decide which one was the dominant one.

She stepped back into the doorway to the bedroom and looked at him expectantly, waiting for him to make the first move, to ask the first question. This, she knew, was not going to be easy on either of them.
(no subject) - dr_shep on December 17th, 2006 06:47 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - xaddis0nx on December 17th, 2006 07:16 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - dr_shep on December 17th, 2006 07:41 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - xaddis0nx on December 17th, 2006 08:36 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - dr_shep on December 17th, 2006 11:17 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - xaddis0nx on December 18th, 2006 12:19 am (UTC) (Expand)
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(no subject) - dr_shep on December 19th, 2006 06:12 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - xaddis0nx on December 19th, 2006 08:42 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - dr_shep on December 19th, 2006 06:41 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - xaddis0nx on December 20th, 2006 03:07 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - dr_shep on December 20th, 2006 04:03 am (UTC) (Expand)
xaddis0nx on December 20th, 2006 05:31 am (UTC)
She could feel her heart fall and break into a million pieces as he met her gaze with his tear filled eyes. The eyes which had once been so cheerful. The piercing blue eyes which had made her fall head over heels for him. Those blue eyes now glazed over and so emersed in pain.

Why did he have to be hurt now? Why did he have to care about her now? Where was this Derek when she'd begged and pleaded, jumped through every hoop he held out? Most of all, why couldn't she be indifferent the way he had when she had been so hurt?

Addison couldn't stop the hurt or the guilt from flooding her body. She loved Derek more than anything or anyone in the world. She had tried to stop that when he'd left and she stayed with Mark, and she tried to do that again last night with Finn. If she didn't care, things would be so much easier. If she didn't love him, she wouldn't have felt so lost when she found out that he'd slept with Meredith at prom. Addison could never love anybody the way she loved Derek.

Taking the two steps it took to reach the bed, she kneeled down beside him and stared up into his eyes. "I--I don't love him, Derek. I thought that maybe I could, maybe I could fall in love with him the way you fell in love with Meredith, and then maybe I could move on. I could never love him the way I love you. You called, drunk, and my first instinct was to come get you. I--I love you, Derek. You have to believe me."

Addison knew she was on the verge of begging for forgiveness and for another chance for them. The only things holding her back was her pride and her fear that Derek wasn't going to be invested in fixing things, that he would fall back into his indifference and she would have wasted more of their time, being the obligation. She wanted for them to be happy, but she needed it to be true and not pretend like things had been since Derek decided not to sign the papers. She still didn't know how to live without Derek though.
dr_shep on December 20th, 2006 06:49 am (UTC)
Derek observed her warily. He had no reason not to believe what Addison was saying, but he didn't quite know what to do.

He was so lost, so confused. Suddenly he was completely hurt and torn apart by Addison's actions. He was caring about her feelings. For the first time in almost a year Derek was looking into Addison's eyes and searching for love. And he saw it. The complete devotion, the desperate need, everything he'd been finding there for 12 years.

It had never left, Derek knew. Addison had been there, every day, loving him. So he didn't know why this was the first time in so long he'd actually seen it there. He'd been so absent, so detached that Addison's love had become a question.

And now that he saw it and knew that he at least wanted to see it, Derek still didn't know what to do. They could fall into bed, make love and forget all their problems. And while that had certain advantages, it would be only a quick fix. They could make love, say goodbye, sign the divorce papers and know that they would always love one another. They could work on their marriage, addressing their issues the way they hadn't been able to the entire time they'd been in Seattle and for years in New York.

But he simply didn't know where they stood. Each plan of action begged so many questions, and they were so close to the end, nothing would come out nice and clean. Love was too messy to make anything work simply.

He sighed, raising his hand to wipe away the tears before they had a chance to fall. If he didn't know what to do, Addison would. She was his better half; of that he had no doubt. She would know what to do, how to act. That was what Addison was best at. Being in charge, teaching Derek how to be a better person.

"What do we do now, Addie? I need you to tell me."
xaddis0nx on December 20th, 2006 11:05 am (UTC)
Looking up at him for a really long time, Addison tried to study his face and to decypher what he was thinking, but it was proving to be quite the task. She shifted her gaze from him to his ringless hand and finally to wedding rings around her finger that was placed on her lap.

She wanted to believe that his body language was being honest with her and that his tears he'd almost shed were true. Letting go of their marriage would be hard and she didn't want to do it, knowing that she honestly could never do it. However, she was afraid of trying again, of putting herself out there and letting Derek trample all over her heart and whatever hope she would build up for them. It wasn't fair to her. It wasn't right to have to go through all of that again. She needed to be sure he would step up to the plate this semester.

Tearing her gaze away from her rings, Addison looked up at Derek again and was met with his blue eyes. He looked as if he was searching too. Both of them searching, but neither one knew the answer. All they needed was to figure out whether or not the sacrifice was worth it.

"I--Are...Can we really fight for our marriage this time, Derek? Or is it just a lost cause? I want us to work," she said softly, "But I can't--I can't do it unless I know a hundred percent that this time it's going to be different."
dr_shep on December 20th, 2006 11:04 pm (UTC)
Derek wanted to drop his eyes away from Addison's. The love and fear he found there were so strong he almost couldn't bear to look into them. Especially since he knew she could find the same things in his eyes.

He didn't know how to answer her question because he still didn't know what she wanted. She wanted it to be one hundred percent different, but Derek didn't know how much he could promise. He could promise to work hard at their marriage, to love her, but he couldn't promise to easily overcome their problems. He couldn't promise that their respective adulteries and the deeper wounds that had lead to them wouldn't be too much to overcome.

Giving up right now wasn't an option for Derek, but he couldn't promise that they would work out for certain. There was still a lot to overcome.

He sighed, not allowing himself to tear his eyes away from her (although that would have made this easier). As he looked into her eyes, he tried to come up with what he would say.

"Addie, we went about this all wrong the first time. We didn't solve anything. I don't know if it will work, but I want to try. I want to at least do it right this time.

xaddis0nx on December 21st, 2006 12:29 am (UTC)
Addison looked up into his eyes. He looked to sincere like he really meant it this time. She wanted to believe him so bad, and she did. He was Derek afterall and whatever hope he gave her, she held onto as tightly as she could. If he said that he really wanted to do it right this time, she believed him. That had been the problem before when he had decided not to sign the papers. Now, the possibility of them failing was still out there, but the hope had gotten brighter since prom, since everything.

Although, she knew that she couldn't give in completely. The decision to not let him hurt her (that much) again had been made and it was a promise to herself. She planned on keeping it, or at least, trying her best to make it happen (she really had no control over what Derek did). She didn't want to endure that much pain again.

Derek was right. They had gone about things all wrong the last time. There problems were never solved. They never talked about anything that happened or why they fell apart. They had just hastily pasted everything back together and it had been inevitable that they'd fall apart again. This time needed to be different. They had to really work at it; the both of them. There needed to be a lot more pain on both sides before good could come out of it.

It was going to be hard, but it was possible. 'Addison and Derek' would have been able to do it. They weren't those two people anymore, but she had to believe that they could one day get there.

"Derek, I...I think you're completely right and I want to try too. Don't take this the wrong way, but I--I want to go through with the divorce," she said, tilting her head to observe him better and gauge his reaction. "We rushed everything the last time, and I think if we do this, we're going to have to start over, completely fresh. We still have to work through our problems, but we can look at them as not being husband and wife."
(no subject) - dr_shep on December 21st, 2006 02:02 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - xaddis0nx on December 21st, 2006 05:03 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - dr_shep on December 21st, 2006 05:54 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - xaddis0nx on December 21st, 2006 06:43 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - dr_shep on December 21st, 2006 07:03 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - xaddis0nx on December 21st, 2006 07:30 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - dr_shep on December 21st, 2006 09:01 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - xaddis0nx on December 21st, 2006 09:33 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - dr_shep on December 21st, 2006 10:26 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - xaddis0nx on December 21st, 2006 03:58 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - dr_shep on December 21st, 2006 07:09 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - xaddis0nx on December 22nd, 2006 04:40 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - dr_shep on December 22nd, 2006 05:53 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - xaddis0nx on December 22nd, 2006 07:27 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - dr_shep on December 22nd, 2006 07:45 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - xaddis0nx on December 22nd, 2006 08:49 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - dr_shep on December 22nd, 2006 09:31 am (UTC) (Expand)
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(no subject) - dr_shep on December 22nd, 2006 10:17 am (UTC) (Expand)
xaddis0nx on December 22nd, 2006 06:29 pm (UTC)
Everything Derek was saying was right. Sitting in silence wasn't going to get them anywhere, but the talking had the possibility of taking them down the wrong road. Derek was hungover. Addison was confused. Now wasn't exactly the right time to be bringing on the big stuff. They'd only stepped onto the path of reconciliation (or permanent divorce). Things needed to be taken slowly, one step at a time.

Their marriaged had gradually fallen apart and now it was time to gradually put it back together. The road would be long with many turns and bumps. Addison hoped that going through with the divorce would maybe make it easier for the two of them in the sense that they had to work harder at getting back together. If they really worked at getting back to 'Addison and Derek,' they'd be so much stronger than before and there would be hope that they wouldn't fall apart again.

Addison nodded and sighed. "I know, Derek," she said softly, standing up and going over to put her yogurt in the trash and the spoon inside the sink. She made her way back to him and sat down in the chair beside him. "We have to start somewhere. I just don't know where that somewhere is, at least, not today."

There were so many questions to ask, so many topics to discuss. There so many places where they could begin, but she didn't know which would be best to start things off. Or was it better to just wait it out and deal with everything as they came?
dr_shep on December 22nd, 2006 08:18 pm (UTC)
Tackling all of their problems now was not the best way to solve this. Derek knew this, but he wished it weren't the case. He would have much rather preferred they just put everything on the table, yell and cry and be angry and get it all out before remembering their love and returning to Derek and Addison. It was wishful thinking, and he knew it would take a lot more than that. But that didn't make him stop wishing it would work that way.

He hated this limbo they'd found themselves in. They were still married, had been married for 12 years now, but they were days from a divorce. And it wasn't like the divorce was going to take them out of each other's lives. If they were going to work on this, they would be spending a lot of time together after signing the papers.

But that didn't mean Derek knew how to act around her. Right now he could excuse reaching over and holding her in his arms or kissing her or any number of affectionate gestures by saying that she was his wife, but how much was she really his wife? They were days from divorce and had spent more time in the last few months at odds with each other than happily married.

Addison was asking for the divorce, and Derek still wasn't sure what that meant. He wasn't going to argue it, but he knew he had to respect her wishes. So touching her at all was out of the question, he figured.

Derek raised the coffee cup to his lips and sat the mug on the table, between himself and Addison, like he always did when he had something to drink and she didn't. In the past, Addison would have taken it and drank it as her own. It was just habit, something they'd been doing for their entire time together. Habits like that would die hard even if they couldn't make this work. Addison was as much a part of him as he was.

He eyed the coffee cup momentarily before looking up at her, "I know, and we don't have to talk about anything important. I mean, we could talk about the weather, which isn't a terribly interesting topic around here, but I would just rather be talking with you than sitting in an awkward silence."
xaddis0nx on December 22nd, 2006 09:17 pm (UTC)
Addison couldn't help but take note of how much had changed within the last day. They'd gone from making 'adulterous love child' and 'adulterous sociopath' comments to wanting to talk about the anything. It all seemed so surreal, like something she'd just dreamt up. She feared that any minute she might wake up and it'd all disappear, or maybe he would and erase her out of his life forever.

She sighed and picked up the coffee cup, bringing it to her lips and blowing on it before taking a sip. Sighing, she stared down at the table, thinking about what they could talk about. The weather seemed like a bland topic, but what other neutral ground was there? All she could think about were the big things; why he slept with Meredith, why he was so willing to try now of all times, why everything seemed to change in the blink of the eye and would they ever change back.

Realizing his coffee cup was still in her hands, Addison set it down on the table and pushed it towards him. Sharing drinks was something they'd done as a couple, but now, she wasn't sure what they were anymore. She didn't know where the boundaries were. Going out on dates and trying to fall in love again was a must, she thought, but she didn't know how soon they were supposed to do that.

Everything had a perfect time and a perfect place. If they were to do anything too early or too late, it could mess up everything they had going for them. So Addison settled on talking about the weather as she glanced outside through the small window of the trailer.

"Yeah well...it's a nice day out today," she said turning to Derek, a weak smile playing on her face.
dr_shep on December 22nd, 2006 09:35 pm (UTC)
Weather was apparently the topic of choice which Derek thought was quite sad. He wasn't always a stunnig linguist, but he and Addison were rarely at a loss for interesting conversation. And, if they were, the silences weren't awkward or they filled the gaps in conversation with sex. It seemed that both of those options would test the boundaries of what they were trying (sex moreso than anything else), and Derek wasn't sure what else to do.

He watched as she lifted his coffee cup to her lips, taking a drink and holding it while her mind wandered. He took solace in the fact that she was still holding onto habits from when they'd been together. Not all was lost.

His eyes followed her out the window, and he realized that it was one of those rare days in Seattle where the sun actually shined. Had he not been hungover and afraid that the bright light would only make his head hurt worse, Derek would have suggested they go for a walk. A walk would have been safe territory, not pressing any boundaries but keeping them together.

He gave her a small smile, "It is. We should probably remember this; non-rainy days are a rarity around here."

Had they seriously been reduced to talking about the weather? Derek certainly hoped not, still searching for some more stimulating topic.
xaddis0nx on December 22nd, 2006 10:48 pm (UTC)
"Yeah, we should," Addison commented awkwardly, her voice coming out softly as she gave him a nod. She let out a sigh, shifting her gaze to the floor and running her fingers through her somewhat unruly hair due to sleep.

She hated what they'd become, having gotten stuck at this point. Getting past this poing, she knew, was not going to be the hardest thing they'll have to do on this path, but it sure wasn't going to be easy either. They were in their transition period, trying to get ready for what was to come, and not knowing what their future might bring made this a lot more difficult.

"Where do we go from here?" Addison asked all of a sudden, looking up at him. She hoped that at least he would have some clue or would have some kind of preference as to where they should take this. It wasn't Addison who needed to be reminded of what they were or what they could be. She knew that Derek had lost sight of that somewhere along the way here. Somehow she was supposed to show him that, but really, it was all up to him what he'd take to heart.
(no subject) - dr_shep on December 23rd, 2006 12:55 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - xaddis0nx on December 23rd, 2006 03:14 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - dr_shep on December 23rd, 2006 06:46 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - xaddis0nx on December 23rd, 2006 07:49 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - dr_shep on December 23rd, 2006 09:24 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - xaddis0nx on December 23rd, 2006 10:17 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - dr_shep on December 23rd, 2006 10:37 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - xaddis0nx on December 23rd, 2006 06:29 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - dr_shep on December 23rd, 2006 07:35 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - xaddis0nx on December 24th, 2006 06:42 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - dr_shep on December 24th, 2006 07:59 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - xaddis0nx on December 24th, 2006 08:50 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - dr_shep on December 24th, 2006 09:20 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - xaddis0nx on December 24th, 2006 05:30 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - dr_shep on December 24th, 2006 08:21 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - xaddis0nx on December 25th, 2006 05:07 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - dr_shep on December 25th, 2006 05:32 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - xaddis0nx on December 25th, 2006 06:29 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - dr_shep on December 25th, 2006 06:53 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - xaddis0nx on December 25th, 2006 07:21 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - dr_shep on December 25th, 2006 08:25 am (UTC) (Expand)
xaddis0nx on December 25th, 2006 08:50 am (UTC)
Addison looked down between them and sighed. When he finished tucking her hair behind her ear, she grabbed his hand and held it in hers, gently playing with his fingers before looking back up at him with a crooked smile, squeezing his hand tighter.

What came next exactly, she didn't even know; not in great detail. All Addison knew was that they needed to somehow talk about their problems without ending up wanting to kill one another. The pain was inevitable, but the way they handled things and what would happen depended on how they approached things. Approaching it the wrong way could cause much unnecessary tension that they could do without. The point was to avoid that at all costs.

"I'm not sure what it is that we do next. I mean, I don't know how to do what needs to be done, which is to remember the past, reflect upon it, and learn from it so we don't repeat out mistakes. I don't know how to do that without possibly wanting to hurt each other," she said, her eyes never leaving his as she spoke.
dr_shep on December 25th, 2006 09:07 am (UTC)
Derek nodded, bringing her hand to his lips and pressing a soft kiss to the middle knuckle. He gave her a soft smile and didn't avert her eyes even when she finished talking.

Wounds they had been hiding and allowing to fester would be ripped open when they finally started discussing their problems. It would be painful, and there was no way to escape that fact. There would be moments, Derek knew, where he would actually hope that she was hurting, and he knew the same would be true for her about him. But, if there were a way to do it right, he and Addison could find it.

Derek had to have faith in that. He nodded in response, "Maybe we stay apart, me in the trailer and you at the hotel. And we set aside time to discuss things, until we can't do it anymore. Or something. And then we take time apart."

"But I also want to be happy with you. I want to spend time not hurting with you, too."
xaddis0nx on December 25th, 2006 09:46 am (UTC)
Nodding, Addison fully understood what he was talking about. The two of them needed to spend a lot of time working through their problems, yes. But they also needed to take care of the task of finding each other again and to fall back in love. From everything that had happened just in this morning, she knew it wasn't going to be too hard. The only reason why it'd be difficult would be after they'd had a fight about their problems from the past.

The best way to cope with the pain, as difficult as it may be, was to go out and find the things they loved about each other. It wasn't just about the past. It was about the present as well as the future. Their love was the only thing strong enough to help them get through this; the biggest obstacle they will probably overcome.

"I do too," Addison said with a nod. "We need to balance it out by dealing with our problems and finding our love for each other again. We can go on dates and spend time with each other when we can. The time apart will do us good and so will the time we spend together."
dr_shep on December 25th, 2006 10:00 am (UTC)
Derek was grateful they were on the same page. They weren't completely certain of how to approach it, but they had a general idea. Remaining apart but making time for each other. The necessity to make time for each other would be the thing that would bring them closer. Or at least Derek figured it would.

He would have to go out of his way to find Addison for lunch, maybe. And he would have to make the effort to seek her out just to talk for a few minutes. Eating dinner together would require planning. He wouldn't be able to take it for granted that she would be at home whenever he got there. There would be no way to assume that he didn't need to see her during the day because he would just be crawing into bed with her at night. It would force them to set habits and to get used to working on it.

It was something they both needed to do, Derek moreso than Addison. "I think so too."

"We'll get through this, Addie."
xaddis0nx on December 26th, 2006 03:53 am (UTC)
Addison smiled as she hugged Derek and held onto him for a while. She was glad that he had faith in them, that he believed that they could really make it through this time. If the determination was there, they could do anything. All they needed was the belief and the desire to fix their marriage.

That was probably all that was needed to have prevented them from ending up here. She wasn't going to put all the blame on Derek because she played a major part in the downfall of Addison and Derek, but had he truly wanted to work on their marriage when she first came to Seattle, they probably wouldn't have ended up here. They would have solved their problems and would be well on their way to being the happy couple they once were.

Now everything would be okay. The two of them will go out on dates and find the things they love about one another. They'll schedule times where they could talk about their problems. They'd create habits and focus on the little things like leaving each other notes or bringing each other juju. There was a lot of joy and pain ahead of them, but they would survive it all if they had the will power.

She kissed his cheek and rested her forehead against his temple. "We will," she said softly.

After a little while longer, Addison glanced up at the clock on the wall and let out a sigh. "I should probably start getting ready for work."
(no subject) - dr_shep on December 26th, 2006 04:09 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - xaddis0nx on December 26th, 2006 04:26 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - dr_shep on December 26th, 2006 04:38 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - xaddis0nx on December 26th, 2006 05:59 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - dr_shep on December 26th, 2006 06:24 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - xaddis0nx on December 26th, 2006 07:17 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - dr_shep on December 26th, 2006 07:31 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - xaddis0nx on December 26th, 2006 08:13 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - dr_shep on December 26th, 2006 08:21 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - xaddis0nx on December 26th, 2006 08:43 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - dr_shep on December 26th, 2006 08:54 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - xaddis0nx on December 26th, 2006 07:55 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - dr_shep on December 27th, 2006 02:21 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - xaddis0nx on December 27th, 2006 03:49 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - dr_shep on December 27th, 2006 05:49 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - xaddis0nx on December 27th, 2006 06:04 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - dr_shep on December 27th, 2006 06:15 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - xaddis0nx on December 27th, 2006 06:30 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - dr_shep on December 27th, 2006 06:47 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - xaddis0nx on December 27th, 2006 07:27 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - dr_shep on December 27th, 2006 07:56 am (UTC) (Expand)
xaddis0nx on December 27th, 2006 08:23 am (UTC)
Addison moved around in the bedroom, taking off his t-shirt and slipping on her bra before working her way out of his boxers. She slipped on her jeans from the night before and heard him call out to her. Sighing, she buttoned up her jeans and walked to the doorway with her blouse in her hands.

Looking at him as she put her arms through the sleeves, everything seemed to hit her really hard. The sight of Derek sitting there only several feet away from him and her standing here was rather symbolic of what they've been through, and she knew, what they will be going through.

So close yet so far away. There had been and will be times when the two of them could be physically close but their minds and hearts so far away from one another. He would hate her for some of the things she would tell him and she would be hurt for some of the things he would say. Lots of bad things lay ahead, things she wished didn't need to happen.

"I have to," she said softly, looking away from him and buttoning up her shirt.

Everything that they were going to do, they had to.
dr_shep on December 27th, 2006 08:33 am (UTC)
Derek smiled at her, not averting his eyes from the sight of her in just her bra and jeans even though he probably should have. They were still married, and it was his right. Besides, she didn't seem to have too much of a problem with it.

He watched her get dressed, fighting the urge to sigh and feel melancholy. The last person who had undressed Addison (and made love to her) had not been Derek. Right now, it didn't matter who it had been (although he would probably fixate on it later). It just mattered that it hadn't been him. And Derek knew that the last woman he had made love to, hadn't been Addison. He would remedy that just as soon as possible (it would probably kill him to wait until they were ready in their relationship... but he would).

"Are you sure someone can't cover your surgery?" He wondered, raising a hopeful eyebrow. He didn't want her to go, not yet.
xaddis0nx on December 27th, 2006 08:47 am (UTC)
After she'd buttoned up her shirt all the way, Addison grabbed her pursed and looked around the bedroom to see if she'd forgotten anything. She slipped on her heels and made her way back into the kitchen and dining area. Placing her purse on the table, she stood over him and looked down into his eyes sadly.

This was truly reminiscient of New York. However, this time the tables had turned. She couldn't count how many times she'd asked him that question and so many others. Why can't someone else do it? Why do you have to go now? Can't you skip just this one? She'd asked them all, tried everything she could to stop him but nothing had worked.

Now it was her turn to do the same, not because she didn't want to be with him or because she would rather be at the hospital, but because she really had to. The surgery was far from routine and, of course, her patient only deserved the best. They also needed to face the reality of things because it would never be like this forever. The pain was coming and it was coming soon.

"I'm sorry, Derek," she said softly, taking his face into her hands and bringing her lips to his. They kissed for several moments, Addison taking as much time as she knew she had. Pulling back, she looked into his eyes. "Promise me you'll remember this forever."
dr_shep on December 27th, 2006 08:58 am (UTC)
Derek let out a soft gasp when Addison kissed him. It had absolutely been the last thing he was expecting, and it took him a moment to adjust to it. But as soon as he realized what was happening, Derek kissed back.

It hurt that she had to tell him to never forget it. That should never have been necessary. He should have always been there, remembering what it was like to kiss her, but he had forgotten. Derek would never forget it again. When they were happy, Addison would never have to say things like that.

"Forever," He repeated simply, placing a finger underneath her chin to draw her back for a brief kiss.
xaddis0nx on December 27th, 2006 09:13 am (UTC)
Addison smiled weakly and pulled back to stand up straight after their final kiss. She knew that she would never forget this; their first real moment of happiness since everything had started. She promised herself she would never forget all of the breathtaking kisses they'd shared today. And she would later remind herself that this was what they were striving for.

In the darness and in the pain, this moment will shine through and remind them of what they can be and of all the happiness they could have together. This moment showed just how much they still loved each other even after everything they've been through. Addison would never forget that for it will be the sole reason she'll survive.

Stroking the side of his face gently, she picked up her purse and swung it over her shoulder. "I'll uh, try to see you at work," she said quietly with a nod, swallowing hard before taking a step away from him, still not wanting to let go of him, let go of this moment.
(no subject) - dr_shep on December 27th, 2006 09:24 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - xaddis0nx on December 27th, 2006 09:50 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - dr_shep on December 27th, 2006 07:00 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - xaddis0nx on December 27th, 2006 07:14 pm (UTC) (Expand)