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27 December 2006 @ 08:24 pm
Seattle Grace Hospital  
Addison had left the trailer, a heavy feeling hovering over her. She knew the moment she and Derek shared in the trailer wouldn't be their last happy moment together. There were going to be lots of moments in which they would go out and find their love for one another again. The only problem was they would have to make time to work things out, to talk about the past, about Mark and Meredith, about why they fell apart.

It wasn't fair. Why couldn't they just know and move on? Why did they have to bring out the pain and everything that's happened? Addison knew it was something they needed to do. She knew very well without talking about those things, their marriage would fall apart again. She just wished they could fast forward through all of that and just be happy, just be Addison and Derek.

Of course, life never worked that way and they would have to battle it out, hoping and keeping faith that they would come out of it alive and stronger than ever.

She'd gotten Finn's first text message on her way to the hospital but decided against texting him back until she got to the hospital; however, by then he'd already withdrawn his first request and told her to take a rain check. Noting that she really needed to talk to him, Addison made a mental note to contact him later. The night before had been complicated and she was sure she'd led him on. Now things were different and she was going to work things out with Derek so she needed to tell him. He was a good friend and she was sure that she would need his shoulder to lean on when things got tough with Derek so she needed to be absolutely honest with him.

Her day had gone on with very little difficulty. Everything was the same as always. Patients, babies, mothers; just the same thing she dealt with on a day to day basis. Her mind however drifted to Derek quite often. They always had, but this had gotten to a point where she almost couldn't keep her mind off of it. Her mind was on Derek when she walked down the halls. It was on Derek when she wrote notes in a chart. The only time she could tear her mind away from Derek was when she was actually in surgery. She was a surgeon and her patients deserved the best. She would not let her personal life jeopardize a patient's life.

Now Addison was staring blankly down at a chart at the nurses' station, pen in hand but unmoving. All she could think about was Derek, wondering when she'd be able to see him again, when they could have a moment like they'd had that morning. She missed the sheer bliss and playfulness they'd always shared in the beginning of their relationship. The morning let her get a glimpse of that again and all she wanted was for every moment to be just like that; Addison and Derek, the way they were supposed to be. It was just a dream, but it was dream she was going to hold on to.
 
 
 
xaddis0nx on December 28th, 2006 05:59 pm (UTC)
Addison let out a small laugh. The food he had could barely be called food let alone a selection. Again, it pained her to know that he was living like that but she tried to push those thoughts away. She would have offered to buy groceries, but it was getting late and it'd be a little awkward.

They were still married but planning to live apart for a while, so she knew that Derek wouldn't have her buying things without paying her back. Usually, she would have done it anyway, but tonight, they had more important things; things that shouldn't be clouded by bantering over something so trivial which would put them at a bad start.

"Yeah, I'll grab something for the both of us," she said into the phone as she started backing out. She might not have felt it right to buy groceries, but she was still going to buy him dinner. The food would allow them to have some time to be happy for just a little while longer before the tackled the more difficult parts.
dr_shep on December 28th, 2006 06:25 pm (UTC)
Derek liked the fact that she still wanted to take care of him, and he liked the prospect of being able to put off the pain while they ate. The happiness they had shared that morning had been nice. It had given him so much hope, and he had been happier and more satisfied than he'd been in months. He just wanted to fast forward through the pain and come out on the other side happier and married to Addison.

"Thanks but don't feel obligated. I'm sure I can find something around here."
xaddis0nx on December 28th, 2006 06:36 pm (UTC)
"Derek, don't be silly," Addison said quickly as she was just pulling out of the hospital parking lot. "I'm grabbing food for myself anyway. It's not like it's going to be a problem."

She was a little disappointed that Derek brought up the fact that she might feel obligated. He might have seen her as an obligations these months in Seattle, but she never once saw him that way. Derek was her husband, the love of her life, and she would do just about anything for him. No obligations, no questions asked. She wished he could see that.

Pursing her lips together, Addison drove with one hand on the steering wheel and one hand on the phone. She'd forgotten to get her headset out and it was too late now.

"Well, I'm on the road. I'll be there soon, so I'll talk to you when I get there?"
dr_shep on December 28th, 2006 06:50 pm (UTC)
Their conversation was coming to a close, and the next time he would talk to her she would be here. It would be time to face the tough stuff, and he wasn't necessarily looking forward to it. Even if their phone conversation was far from stimulating, it kept him from thinking about the impending 'important stuff' conversation.

"Yeah," He answered reluctantly, "Bye, Add."
xaddis0nx on December 28th, 2006 07:09 pm (UTC)
"Bye, Derek," Addison said softly and pressed the 'end call' button before tossing it onto the passenger seat.

She knew she shouldn't feel this way, but it really felt like they were saying goodbye to something more; their happiness, their bliss. They would have more of that, hopefully, more than just their impending dinner. This was the end to their denial and avoidance and the beginning to facing their problems. She wasn't sure if she was ready to do that and she only had a small amount of time before she had to face her fears, ready or not.

Swallowing hard, Addison continued driving whilst trying to calm her nerves which wasn't a very easy task.

After stopping at a Chinese restaurant and a long drive, she finally made it to the trailer and pulled up beside Derek's Range Rover. Addison turned off the ignition and took a deep breath as she stared at the trailer for a moment.

This was it. They were going to go up against all of their secrets, all of their pain, and everything that'd been left unsaid for years. It was time to really try and work out their marriage. Still, Addison wasn't ready, but she wasn't going to ever be more prepared for what was going to happen. There were too many unknowns, too many variables. She didn't know how Derek was going to react, and frankly, she wasn't sure how she was going to tell him. It would just happen as it happens.

Sighing, Addison grabbed her and the bag of chinese food and stepped down from her car, making her way up to the trailer. She tried to put a smile on her face. She would try to keep them happy for a little while longer. Walking across the deck and up to the door, she knocked since it technically wasn't her home anymore.
dr_shep on December 28th, 2006 07:19 pm (UTC)
After ending the call, Derek had resumed his previous position, pretending to read a book while his mind remained on Addison.

Derek was terrified of the impending pain. He would have to face Addison telling him about Mark. He could envision sitting there as she recounted that night, and it would make him almost physically ill. That night was so long ago, but if he really spent time thinking about it, Derek could still feel the same pain. How would he still be able to look at her after he was reminded of her infidelity?

He, in turn, would have to talk about Meredith. He would have to relive the months before Addison came to Seattle and admit that he'd never actually tried to rekindle their marriage. Most of his time in Seattle had been spent chasing Meredith (even when they were friends). And he would have to explain prom. Prom had happened just a week previously, and Derek hadn't even really faced the audacity of what he had done. In some ways, it was worse than what Addison had done with Mark, and it was eating away at him.

When Addison knocked at the door (or he assumed it was Addison), he tossed the book aside and got up from the couch to go answer it. He opened the door, being sure to give her enough room to enter.

"Hi," He gave her a small smile, determined to at least push aside his fears so they could be happy at first.
xaddis0nx on December 28th, 2006 07:38 pm (UTC)
Addison returned the weak smile as she stepped past him and into the trailer. The expression on his face told her that he'd been thinking and worrying about the same things she had. It was a little comforting to know that she wasn't alone in feeling this way, but at the same time she knew that that meant he wasn't too sure about how to approach this just as she was.

She tried to put on a brave face and continued to smile softly. "I brought Chinese," she said, holding up the white plastic bag.

It would bring them back to their good times, she hoped, back in med school when they were cramming for exams and all they had time for was ordering Chinese. Those were some really happy moments from that stage of their relationship. She hoped that maybe those memories could help them get through this.
dr_shep on December 28th, 2006 07:55 pm (UTC)
Derek couldn't help but let a small laugh escape his lips. When they had first been together, they had always opted for eating Chinese food. It was quick and easy to order takeout and eat it in their small apartment while they studied for exams. In fact, their first Thanksgiving together had been celebrated with Chinese food instead of turkey.

Seeing her holding brought back memories Derek had long forgotten, and it also reminded him of the last Thanksgiving they had spent together. Derek hadn't come home as promised, and Addison had eaten the Chinese food alone.

"Are we poor med students again?" He wondered with a grin, following her to the table.
xaddis0nx on December 28th, 2006 08:18 pm (UTC)
Addison smiled as she set the bag onto the table and began taking the boxes out, shrugging her shoulders and looking up at him. Those really had been some great times, despite the long nights spent studying. They also represented how they'd gotten through the difficulties of life and school just by being together. The food they ate didn't matter, neither did the lack of sleep. It was something they needed to keep in mind.

They could over come anything as Addison and Derek.

"I just figured it'd be a lot faster and we'd have something semi-decent to eat considering the time it took to obtain it," she replied with a grin as she sat down in one of the chairs.
dr_shep on December 28th, 2006 08:32 pm (UTC)
Derek smiled, "I seem to remember that being the same reasoning we used in med school."

He opened the refrigerator in search of something to drink, but all he found was beer. Opting against anything containing alcohol, he grabbed two glasses from the cabinet and filled them with ice and tap water. He set one on the table in front of her and debated where to set his own.

Finally opting on sitting next to her instead of across the table (because that was the way he had always done it when they were first together), Derek sat down and helped Addison remove the take-out containers from the bag.
xaddis0nx on December 28th, 2006 08:52 pm (UTC)
Addison laughed softly and was grateful that Derek had opted to sit next to her. It would calm her nerves, even if it was for a small amount of time. The happiness that they shared would help her get through the tougher things they'd talk about later because she'd be able to remember how good they could be. She only hoped that Derek could keep that in mind once she'd actually started talking about the things she'd been hiding for so long.

Opening the boxes, she smiled, glancing up at him every once in a while. "Well, it was a very good reason, just as it is now."
dr_shep on December 28th, 2006 09:04 pm (UTC)
Derek smiled, taking each of the boxes that Addison opened and looking in them to see what she had picked out.

Though they hadn't started the happiness he had been hoping to experience with dinner, Derek was already feeling more relaxed. This felt like what it used to be like to be with Addison. It was comfortable. And it gave him hope that they could make it through this because they both wanted to be happy.

"So, how was work?" He wondered lamely, trying to start any sort of conversation.
xaddis0nx on December 28th, 2006 09:23 pm (UTC)
"It was good," Addison replied a little too quickly. She didn't want him knowing that she'd practically been dreading this the entire day, just thinking about him every second of her spare time. It was too early to start talking about those things now. She wanted to hold onto whatever happiness they could.

She picked up the chopsticks and handed a pair to him, grabbing some broccoli beef with her pair. "Just a regular day full of surgeries. Luckily there weren't too many complications," she said, trying to recover and act as cooly as possibly. The fear just had to be pushed aside for now.

"What about you? What'd you do after you left the hospital?"
dr_shep on December 28th, 2006 09:30 pm (UTC)
Derek raised an eyebrow at Addison's rushed response, but she seemed to recover. He was able to write it off as paranoia. He was just afraid she had rushed her answer, and he was reading too much into it.

He smiled, reaching across her to scoop some of the Kung Pao chicken. He raised his hand slightly, to signal that he would answer her once he had finished chewing.

"Nothing, really," He answered, "Read a little of my book."

So that was a lie, but he needed to make it seem like he had done something. She probably wouldn't appreciate that he'd been laying on the couch worrying over their impending time together.
xaddis0nx on December 28th, 2006 10:20 pm (UTC)
Addison nodded slowly as she ate her food. She wasn't quite sure where they should take the conversation now. They couldn't jump into the pain and hurtful things, but they were running out of the normal, everyday conversation topics.

"Um, anything in the book worth talking about?" she asked after a few moments of contemplating their next topic and coming up with nothing.

Even in all their years of marriage, they'd never been in any situation such as this one. They were always comfortable around each other and talking was something they'd excelled in. Now, she was sure, they still had it in them. Their fears of what was to come was only getting in the way of that.

(OOC: I really should be withholding this. *glares* And THANKS for making me take so long. You know I'm right so GIVE IT UP!)
dr_shep on December 28th, 2006 10:40 pm (UTC)
Derek moved his chopsticks to the broccoli beef and tooka bite, stalling to see if he could come up with something to tell her about the book. It would have been much easier if he had actually read any of it.

"I didn't really get to read much of it," He answered honestly but didnt offer a reason why.

He glanced over to her, just a foot or so away. She was Addison, he reminded himself. He loved her. That wasn't a doubt. They should have been able to talk about anything, and if they couldn't, something should have occupied the silence.

Desperately needing something on his mind, he trailed his hand that wasn't holding the chopsticks to her knee.
xaddis0nx on December 28th, 2006 11:33 pm (UTC)
"Oh," was all she said in reply. Addison was sure Derek had had a lot of spare time during the day and he would have had a great opportunity to catch up on his reading. However, she didn't want to bring it up, knowing that he would have explained himself if he wanted to talk about it.

She smiled when she felt his hand fall on her knee. It was a comforting gesture and she thanked him silently by placing her hand on top of his, letting her thumb gently stroke the back of his hand.

The contact was what they needed, the sign that they still cared for one another. It was their light at the end of the dark tunnel. She was going to hold onto as tightly as she could because she refused to give up. They'd been through so much and it would be a waste to stop now.

Addison gave his hand a gentle squeeze as she swallowed the piece of food in her mouth and looked over at him with a smile. With the feeling of his touch, she didn't feel the need to have to be talking. It just felt right, sitting here with him and enjoying their meal together. Sure, talking was something they'd always done, but being together was what mattered.
dr_shep on December 29th, 2006 06:42 am (UTC)
Derek's eyes met Addison's smiling ones as she looked over at him. This was just like their earlier blissfulness. It would have been better if they were talking, but it really wasn't necessary. They had physical contact, and they were at least assured of each other's love.

After a moment's consideration, he leaned over slightly to give her a kiss, purposely missing most of her mouth and planting his lips near the corner of her mouth. He didn't want to be too forward as he was still unsure of the 'rules.'
xaddis0nx on December 29th, 2006 07:21 am (UTC)
Addison squeezed his hand tighter as she felt his lips pressing gently against the corner of her mouth. She lifted it from it's place on her knee slightly so she could lace their fingers together. Smiling, her gaze shifted down to the food.

If they weren't going to be talking, she figured they could at least be happy for the time being. She smiled and picked up a piece of beef, bringing it to his mouth. It was something a newlywed couple would do, it was something they once did, and she knew she was probably being ridiculous, but she couldn't help wanting to keep them in sweet bliss for as long as she could.
dr_shep on December 29th, 2006 07:58 am (UTC)
Derek instinctively opened his mouth to allow her to place the beef in his mouth. It was an intimate gesture, and he smiled as he chewed it. He loved this intimacy. It reminded him of their perfect morning.

They would come back here again where this wasn't a rarity. Loving gestures wouldn't be anything special because they would be constant. He would never let them stop.

"Thank you," He smiled after he swallowed and brought his free hand up to brush her hair behind her ear.
xaddis0nx on December 29th, 2006 08:11 am (UTC)
Addison smiled at Derek as she leaned into his touch. Those gestures were always endearing to her; tucking her hair behind her ear, fixing the collar of her blouse. She'd always loved little things like that that used to fill every spare moment of their relationship.

It'd come to the point where it didn't happen quite as often, but that was all going to change. She hoped that they would happen more ofthen rather than go down to zero, but she refused to focus on the bad possibilities right now.

"So how's the Kung Pao chicken?" she asked since she'd yet to eat some of it, taking a piece with her chopsticks and pretending to examine it closely as she awaited his reply.