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31 January 2007 @ 07:51 am
Home Sweet Home  
Addison stared out the window of Derek's Range Rover as they drove along the Seattle streets, the rain pouring down onto the hood of the car, droplets forming on the glass of each window and cascading away as they drove. Fear filled her body even though she and Derek had been doing well. This was just a big step, a major step, but she wasn't sure if it was one step forward or two steps back.

They'd decided to go back to New York for a week or so, depending on if any major emergencies would call them back to Seattle or not. But they'd decided to go back to settle everything with their two estates; the brownstone and their house in the Hamptons.

It was good on some level. Everything would be finalized and they could move forward. But it held a lot of capacity for pain. They would have to go to the brownstone, the place where they'd shared a life together for a majority of their marriage, the place where he'd seen her sleeping with his best friend, and the place where he'd first truly given up on their marriage, walking away and fleeing to the other side of the country.

There were too many memories, good ones, bad ones, but they all would bring with them a great deal of pain. Addison new that she and Derek were doing well. She just didn't know if they were doing well enough to overcome this.

Swallowing hard, she continued to look out the window, glancing back at Derek every once in a while and wondering if after this trip she would lose him for good.
 
 
 
dr_shep on January 31st, 2007 04:23 pm (UTC)
Derek, for the most part, kept his eyes focused solely on the road ahead. He could feel Addison glancing in his direction with some regularity, but she remained silent. He appreciated that. He didn't know what to say, and he couldn't seem to bring himself to look at her.

He hadn't been back to the Brownstone since the night he had found her with Mark, and he just couldn't get that image out of his head.

He kept feeling that absolute sinking feeling of certainty as he walked into the Brownstone and knew that he was going to find Addison cheating on him. He could remember stepping over the black leather jacket that belonged to his best friend as he made his way up the stairs. He could hear them as he stood outside the bedroom door momentarily, trying to get up his strength. The look of shock, guilt, fear and apology on Addison's face as she turned her head to meet his eyes. Throwing her clothes and the comforter out onto the wet steps, forcing her out, walking out... it was all flashing so quickly Derek barely had a chance to process it before he was seeing it again.

It just hurt, and it almost made him physically ill. The worst part was that it hadn't been Addison who had suggested the trip to New York. No, he had suggested it. He thought it would be good. They could deal with their past and figure out what to do with the places that no longer did them any good when they lived across the entire country.

But now he wasn't so sure. It already hurt so much, and they weren't even there.

He sighed, his eyes finally looking over at Addison when he came to a stop at a light. She looked so uncertain, so scared. Derek felt the urge to comfort her, but he just didn't know how. This was all so confusing, and everything he could say seemed to be just words. Words wouldn't be enough.

"You, uh, you okay?" He wondered lamely, struggling agains the lump in his throat.
xaddis0nx on January 31st, 2007 07:07 pm (UTC)
Addison stared at him for a moment, frozen with not a clue about what to say. She couldn't tell him that she was afraid. She couldn't tell him that she lacked faith in them. It was all too obvious already. She didn't need to voice it for him to know. He was Derek and he was able to read her like an open book, always.

There were so many things they would be forced to face once in New York again. They had to deal with the memories and they needed to cope with their past. Their lowest points, Addison knew, would be highlighted, overshadowing any blissful memories they'd had. The affair being the central point.

She would be forced to go back into their bedroom where she'd given herself to someone else. She would have to relive taht night, everything that happened. There had only been two times in which she'd gone back there since that night; once to grab some things before moving in with Mark and the other just before she left for Seattle.

There was too much to deal with but she wanted to have as much confidence about Addison and Derek as she could. She wanted Derek to be confident in them.

Addison tore her eyes away from his and looked down into her lap. She oculdn't let him see any more of her inner termoil. "Yeah, I'm fine," Addison said quietly, lifting her head to look out the window, watching the droplets form in front of the Seattle cityscape.
(no subject) - dr_shep on January 31st, 2007 07:34 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - xaddis0nx on February 1st, 2007 12:55 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - dr_shep on February 1st, 2007 01:11 am (UTC) (Expand)
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(no subject) - dr_shep on February 2nd, 2007 07:37 pm (UTC) (Expand)
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(no subject) - xaddis0nx on February 3rd, 2007 11:20 pm (UTC) (Expand)
dr_shep on February 3rd, 2007 11:48 pm (UTC)
"You shouldn't have worn that swimsuit and looked so damn sexy laying there," Derek rolled his eyes before leaning over the arm between their seats and lowering his voice, "Derek doesn't get any if he wakes up Addison. So I wanted to let you sleep."

It was a little forced, sure, but he was happy. Recalling their honeymoon and laughing with Addison at least reminded him of happier times. They couldn't be that Derek and Addison again, but they could be a new Derek and Addison. Different but still very much in love.
xaddis0nx on February 4th, 2007 06:29 am (UTC)
Addison laughed softly and shook her head, leaning in to kiss him quickly. "Looks like you didn't get any by letting me sleep there either," she said, mimicking his lowered voice and smiling at him.

She recalled not being able to lay down without it hurting. There had been no way she could have let him touch her or even gently caress her. It'd been quite the experience, being on their honeymoon and not being able to have her husband touch her. It wasn't that hard of a task, however, when she was so infuriated with him for letting it happened.
(no subject) - dr_shep on February 4th, 2007 06:48 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - xaddis0nx on February 4th, 2007 07:07 am (UTC) (Expand)
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dr_shep on February 6th, 2007 11:55 pm (UTC)
There was a long silence between Derek's request and Addison's response, and he could hear the slight sniffles of her sobs. He knew she was crying. He almost wanted to reach over and pull her into his arms. It was a natural instinct to comfort his wife, but he couldn't bring himself to do so.

He felt useless. He'd ruined their marriage in the beginning and led Addison into the arms of another man. Now, he didn't know how to comfort and take care of her even though that was his job as her husband. He'd led his Addison, the stronest person he knew, into this new person who seemed to be living in fear. She'd lost faith, become weaker than he remembered. And Derek suspected he was mostly at fault.

He wasn't used to being the cause of the problem. He was supposed to be the solution, and somehow he'd lost that.

He sighed, feeling tears of his own stinging in his eyes at Addison's word, "We... we can't work, Addison."

"I just, I want to believe that I'm not the same man who hurt you, but I can't believe it," He inhaled a shaky breath, lifting his hand from his lap and extending it toward her half ways before pulling it back after deciding against it, "I can't have faith in me if you don't. I'm not that strong. I'm not..."

"I'm not as strong as you."
xaddis0nx on February 7th, 2007 03:50 am (UTC)
Addison slowly turned back to Derek, the tears having started falling more rapidly once he said that they couldn't work. He was giving up, and it was all because of her lack of faith in them. It wasn't that she didn't believe in him, partially maybe, but it was more about not believing in herself. She'd messed up and she'd messed up pretty badly. Her wrong doings were what caused her to fear the end so much, because one question always lingered. What could be the last straw in which Derek would decide that he's had enough?

Her mind raced as she looked at him, thousands of images of him, of them flashing before her as she tried to find something, anything to hold onto. She couldn't let them end now, not like this, not after everything. They'd been through hell. They'd overcome so much already. All of that just couldn't go to waste. It wasn't fair to them.

They were supposed to be Addison and Derek. They were supposed to be strong enough to do anything, to get through anything. Nothing was ever supposed to make them get here, but somehow they'd managed to do that, and somehow they were going to get out.

"Derek, please," Addison said softly, her voice coming out broken due to the tears, "Don't give up on us. I--I know we may be the most dysfunctional couple. I know we've done a lot of bad things to each other, but we're still here. We're still here and we're together. That's got to mean something. It has to mean we still have a chance, right?"

She searched his eyes, trying to find some bit of hope within him. Derek couldn't give up. She couldn't give up. They'd come too far to turn back now.
(no subject) - dr_shep on February 7th, 2007 04:34 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - xaddis0nx on February 7th, 2007 05:45 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - dr_shep on February 7th, 2007 06:32 am (UTC) (Expand)
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dr_shep on February 9th, 2007 11:31 pm (UTC)
Derek smiled as he coasted to a stop behind a sea of cars on the street not a few blocks from JFK airport. To anyone other than a New Yorker a traffic jam like this was a hassle and completely ridiculous. To Derek, it signified that they were home.

He glanced over at Addison, who's eyes were focused out the car. He assumed she was taking in the sights and sounds of the city they'd both once called home. Reaching across the console of the rental car, Derek placed a hand on her knee.

Things would hurt, he knew, when they went to the Brownstone tomorrow. They would drag up a lot of pain and bad memories, but tonight he wasn't quite as worried about that. Tonight they were home (New York was still home). It held enough happy memories that Derek wasn't really afraid. Tonight they could be happy. They could face the painful past tomorrow.

His eyes scanned up the street, reading the names of the familiar shops. After a moment of thinking and inching forward only slightly in the sludge of rush hour traffic, he turned to her with a grin, "Can I pick where we eat dinner?"
xaddis0nx on February 10th, 2007 12:14 am (UTC)
Addison had been looking out the window, admiring the the tall skyscrapers and the vast amount of cars on the streets. It felt so warm and welcoming. It was home, the place where she'd spent most of her life. This was where she'd started her life after her parents died. She'd built a life for herself here; a career, a family. It felt good to be back even if it was temporary and even if she knew they were going to face a lot of pain here.

She turned to look at Derek, a smile spread across her face. "What are you up to, Derek Shepherd?" she asked with a cocked eyebrow, noticing his wide grin.

Truthfully, Addison didn't mind it at all. Wherever they went didn't matter as long as she was with Derek and they were having a good time. She wasn't picky when it came to food and when she was with Derek it mattered even less.

There was a lot of pain in their very near future. Addison hoped that they would be able to be here without it for a while. After they'd reaffirmed their marriage on the plane and Derek put on his ring, everything seemed to get a lot better. It was certainly less darker than it had been. She hoped that this would continue the rest of the night.
(no subject) - dr_shep on February 10th, 2007 07:07 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - xaddis0nx on February 10th, 2007 07:29 am (UTC) (Expand)
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dr_shep on February 12th, 2007 08:51 am (UTC)
Derek raised his eyebrows playfully at Addison's suggestion. He could recall several trips to lingerie stores that had turned into more than trips. Regardless, they were always fun because he got to see his wife in skimpy little numbers that hid nothing.

He grinned, allowing her to pull him to his feet, "Are you ready, Add?"

Spending time together like this would be good for them. It would remind them how good they could be when they were at their best. It was definitely something that they both needed. It would make their time at the brownstone that much easier. Regardless, it would make Addison happy, and that was what mattered.
xaddis0nx on February 12th, 2007 06:42 pm (UTC)
"I'm always ready to spend time with my husband," Addison said with a smile, leaning forward to press a kiss to his lips. "Especially when it's shopping."

She let go of his hand briefly and went over to one of her suitcases, pulling out a purse she'd already stuffed with her essentials and slung it over her shoulder before going back to Derek. His hand was once again taken into her own as she said, "All set."

It was amazing how her fears had become so minimal. Being like this with Derek and just spending time together the way they should made her feel better about a lot of it. It was reassuring to know that they still had it in them to be Addison and Derek when they would face some of their darkest moments the next day. It truly proved that they would be able to make it out of this.
(no subject) - dr_shep on February 12th, 2007 07:28 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - xaddis0nx on February 12th, 2007 09:21 pm (UTC) (Expand)
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(no subject) - dr_shep on February 14th, 2007 10:08 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - xaddis0nx on February 15th, 2007 01:00 am (UTC) (Expand)
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(no subject) - dr_shep on February 17th, 2007 04:16 am (UTC) (Expand)
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dr_shep on February 20th, 2007 05:42 am (UTC)
Derek chuckled, recoiling at her physical attack. He kept his arm wrapped around her back as he pulled her across the street with him once the traffic had stopped for the group of people they were around to cross.

He pulled her to a stop, though, when they reached the safety of the sidewalk and stepped aside so people could pass them. Turning her to him, Derek's lips sought hers briefly, and he breathily mused once their lips part, "If you want to skip the lingerie and sleep naked, there will be no complaints on my part."
xaddis0nx on February 20th, 2007 04:02 pm (UTC)
Addison was surprised when Derek suddenly stopped on the other side of the sidewalk, and before she could ask him what was wrong, his lips were upon hers. She responded immediately, kissing him back until he suddenly pulled away.

Smiling, she shook her head slowly and stepped closer, her hand falling to gently rest upon his chest. Their faces were mere inches apart and she smirked. "Trust me, skipping the lingerie would be skipping the funnest part," Addison said, linking her arm with his and pulling him down the street once more.
(no subject) - dr_shep on February 21st, 2007 07:04 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - xaddis0nx on February 22nd, 2007 03:57 am (UTC) (Expand)
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(no subject) - dr_shep on February 27th, 2007 06:29 pm (UTC) (Expand)
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(no subject) - dr_shep on February 28th, 2007 05:23 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - xaddis0nx on February 28th, 2007 07:11 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - dr_shep on February 28th, 2007 04:02 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - xaddis0nx on February 28th, 2007 04:27 pm (UTC) (Expand)
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dr_shep on February 28th, 2007 06:07 pm (UTC)
Derek lead her to the counter where they had to wait in line momentarily before the cashier rang the items up. He paid for them with a self-satisfied smirk as he got a glimpse of the items that Addison had picked out that he hadn't seen yet.

He leaned over to press a kiss to the corner of her mouth once they were on the sidewalk again, "I think that that was definitely one of your better ideas."
xaddis0nx on February 28th, 2007 09:03 pm (UTC)
Addison let out a laugh and held onto Derek's arm as they made their way down the sidewalk through the crowd of people, heading back to the hotel. She turned to him and raised an eyebrow. The grin on his face making her heart flutter just a bit, knowing that they were happy because of each other.

"Does that imply that I usually don't have good ideas?" she asked questioningly. "Because I think I always have great ideas." She smirked and gave him a wink as they came to a stop at an intersection.
(no subject) - dr_shep on February 28th, 2007 09:14 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - xaddis0nx on February 28th, 2007 09:32 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - dr_shep on February 28th, 2007 09:49 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - xaddis0nx on March 1st, 2007 03:24 am (UTC) (Expand)
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(no subject) - xaddis0nx on March 3rd, 2007 06:47 am (UTC) (Expand)
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dr_shep on March 3rd, 2007 07:05 pm (UTC)
Derek gave her a look of disappointment when she pulled away, but it was short lived as soon as she grabbed the bag and started toward the bathroom. He grinned, watching her expectantly until she disappeared into the other room.

After a moment of consideration, he made his way to the bed and sat down on top of the covers. He scooted back, adjusting the pillows so they would prop him up. His excitement grew as he kept his gaze focused on the bathroom door, waiting for his wife to reappear.
xaddis0nx on March 3rd, 2007 08:09 pm (UTC)
Addison went into the bathroom, already knowing which one she would wear next. She grabbed the navy blue night gown that Derek had picked out earlier. She went about changing, wriggling out of her normal clothing before slipping the piece of lingerie on. Looking at herself in the bathroom mirror, she deemed herself presentable for Derek and went to exit the bathroom.

Upon opening the door, she scanned the room quickly for Derek and stepping out further, her eyes landed on him sitting on the bed. She smiled and stepped closer to the edge of the bed. "How do I look?" she asked seductively, cocking an eyebrow.
(no subject) - dr_shep on March 3rd, 2007 10:39 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - xaddis0nx on March 4th, 2007 04:28 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - dr_shep on March 4th, 2007 06:31 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - xaddis0nx on March 4th, 2007 08:41 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - dr_shep on March 4th, 2007 08:20 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - xaddis0nx on March 4th, 2007 09:47 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - dr_shep on March 4th, 2007 10:00 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - xaddis0nx on March 4th, 2007 10:38 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - dr_shep on March 4th, 2007 11:46 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - xaddis0nx on March 5th, 2007 03:29 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - dr_shep on March 5th, 2007 04:14 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - xaddis0nx on March 5th, 2007 05:52 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - dr_shep on March 5th, 2007 02:22 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - xaddis0nx on March 5th, 2007 04:03 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - dr_shep on March 5th, 2007 09:46 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - xaddis0nx on March 6th, 2007 08:53 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - dr_shep on March 6th, 2007 08:51 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - xaddis0nx on March 6th, 2007 09:25 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - dr_shep on March 7th, 2007 01:38 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - xaddis0nx on March 7th, 2007 04:13 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - dr_shep on March 7th, 2007 07:07 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - xaddis0nx on March 8th, 2007 04:11 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - dr_shep on March 8th, 2007 07:24 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - xaddis0nx on March 8th, 2007 04:05 pm (UTC) (Expand)
dr_shep on March 8th, 2007 05:52 pm (UTC)
Derek groaned at the combined sensation of Addison's hips grinding against him and her breasts teasing slightly at the bare skin of his chest. He disconnected their lips slightly, so that he was still breathing heavily onto hers but they were no longer fused, and his hands found their ways underneath her thighs. He adjusted her and found the right angle to enter her.

He groaned lowly as he slid into her slowly and lifted her legs so they were wrapped around him. His first few thrusts were almost hesitant, trying to find the perfect rhythm in this position.
xaddis0nx on March 9th, 2007 03:56 am (UTC)
Addison moaned softly at the new sensation between her thighs. She wrapped her legs around him as he moved against her, letting gravity pull her down onto him. One arm went to drape over his shoulder while her other hand gripped the door frame to relieve Derek of some of the weight.

Her breathing became more erratic as he continued to thrust in and out of her, gasps escaping her lips when Derek hit her in just the right spots. She leaned forward and sought out his lips, kissing him sloppily as she struggled to keep her breathing steady.
(no subject) - dr_shep on March 9th, 2007 06:43 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - xaddis0nx on March 9th, 2007 09:57 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - dr_shep on March 9th, 2007 04:57 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - xaddis0nx on March 10th, 2007 08:38 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - dr_shep on March 10th, 2007 09:43 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - xaddis0nx on March 10th, 2007 11:58 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - dr_shep on March 11th, 2007 05:48 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - xaddis0nx on March 11th, 2007 06:57 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - dr_shep on March 11th, 2007 10:26 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - xaddis0nx on March 12th, 2007 08:05 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - dr_shep on March 13th, 2007 07:14 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - xaddis0nx on March 15th, 2007 02:46 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - dr_shep on March 15th, 2007 09:09 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - xaddis0nx on March 16th, 2007 07:17 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - dr_shep on March 23rd, 2007 06:13 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - xaddis0nx on March 23rd, 2007 08:05 pm (UTC) (Expand)