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10 December 2006 @ 06:35 pm
Emerald City Bar  
The bell above the door rang as Addison quickly entered, trying to get out of the rain. She quickly scanned the bar for the one person she came there for.

She wasn't even sure why she was doing this. Well, she did know. She was doing this for Derek, but really, she shouldn't be. Right? Addison wasn't his wife anymore (at least she wouldn't be his wife anymore a couple days from now when they go to meet with the lawyer). She didn't have any claim to him. She didn't have any responsibility towards him, and yet here she was.

Addison loved him still and she would go through hell and back for him (she kind of already had). She hoped that deep down somewhere, he was still her Derek and that they could possibly work their way to being friends again. When their marriage fell apart, Addison had lost her best friend and her husband. Now, she only wanted to be able to hold onto one of them.

Her eyes finally fell on Derek who was sitting at the counter, nursing another glass of alcohol. She frowned as she went over to his side. "Derek?" she said softly, feeling all the eyes from people who work at the hospital on them. Derek just had to pick the one bar everyone from the hospital went to.
dr_shep on December 11th, 2006 03:41 am (UTC)
After ending the phone call with Addison, Derek had sat there, drink in hand, thinking about her coming. He'd called her because she was Addison. The first person he thought of when something was going wrong. The first person he thought of when he needed comfort, or company.

It had taken her awhile to arrive, so his mind had languidly moved to other topics (like Meredith and the vet). So, when Addison softly called his name Derek looked up, more than a little surprised.

He blinked twice to focus and gave her a smile, "Addie."
xaddis0nx on December 11th, 2006 04:18 am (UTC)
"Derek, what're you doing?" Addison asked, taking his glass away from him and setting it on the counter away from his reach. She looked at him quizzically.

Addison still didn't understand why he was doing this to himself, or why he'd broken up with Meredith. He was free from her, from his obligation, and yet he chose not to be with Meredith. She just didn't get it.
dr_shep on December 11th, 2006 04:25 am (UTC)
"I..." Derek paused, leaning forward to reclaim his glass unsucessfully, "Am getting drunk, Addison."

As he looked at her, Derek momentarily wondered why she was here (besides saving him from himself). They'd made it very clear that their marriage was over; she had no reason to come and take care of him.

Besides, he thought bitterly, wasn't she supposed to be at her hotel room doing Mark?
xaddis0nx on December 11th, 2006 04:32 am (UTC)
Addison narrowed her eyes at him and let out a sigh. "Well apparently you've succeeded at that, so it's time you go home, Derek," she said assertively.

Grabbing onto his arm, she tried to get him to stand up.
dr_shep on December 11th, 2006 04:46 am (UTC)
Derek shrugged his shoulder, attempting to remove her hand, "Let me finish my drink, Addison."

The idea of Addison coming to get him had been a really good one in Derek's mind. At least until she had decided to seperate him from his glass and attempted to move him from the bar.
xaddis0nx on December 11th, 2006 05:17 am (UTC)
She tightened her grip on his arm and continued to pull him away from the counter and his drink. "No, Derek. I think you've had enough for tonight."

Addison still didn't know the reason for his drunken stupor, and she knew she probably wouldn't be getting that answer tonight, not when he's in this state. She knew she just needed to get him home and away from all this alcohol before he did something stupid.

Pulling on him harder, she finally succeeded in getting him off of the stool. "C'mon Derek, let's get you home," she said softly. Everyone's eyes were still on them, but at this point she just didn't care.
(no subject) - dr_shep on December 11th, 2006 05:27 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - xaddis0nx on December 11th, 2006 05:49 am (UTC) (Expand)
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xaddis0nx on December 11th, 2006 11:52 pm (UTC)
Addison turned and stared at him in disbelief for a few seconds before shifting her gaze back to the road and shook her head. She couldn't believe he still had the audacity to say that, after everything that he has put her through. Albeit, he was drunk and probably didn't know any better, but she still couldn't believe that he was still dwelling on that fact.

"Aren't we equal now, Derek?" she asked, not being able to keep the anger and from her voice. "I broke your heart by sleeping with your best friend, and you broke mine when you stopped loving me and then again when you slept with Meredith. When are you going to let it go, Derek?"

Sleeping with Mark was wrong the first time. It was wrong all of the other times, and Addison knew that. She had beat herself up about it over and over, and then Derek did the same (apparently he's still doing it). That night she had apologized, she had begged (Addison Shepherd does not usually beg for anything) for him to stay but to no avail. Her husband left her and instead of accepting it, she went after him; gave up her life, her job to be with him and to fix their marriage. And for what? So he could chase after his intern, so he could pretend to try to work on their marriage, only to cheat on her at the prom in which he'd asked her to go to.

No, Addison Shepherd had repaid her debt (maybe a hundred times over) and Derek had no right to be hypocritical and bring Mark up again. Addison was done sitting back and taking blow after blow of punishment. She wasn't going to stand back and let him do this to her anymore.

She loved Derek to no end, and she probably would never stop. She knew that and it only made matters worse, at least, it only hurt her more knowing that she'd probably never be able to let him go completely. However, what hurt the most was the fact that Derek might never forgive her even after everything he had put her through. She had jumped over all the obstacles he'd put in front of her, and none of it was ever going to count for anything in his mind.
dr_shep on December 12th, 2006 01:25 am (UTC)
Derek immediately started to regret starting the conversation when Addison raised her voice. Her shrill tone reached his ears making his head hurt worse than it already did. He wrinkled his brow and seriously considered telling Addison to stop yelling, although he knew that would only inspire her to yell louder.

She was right, of course. They were even. In some sick and twisted way, Derek and Addison were on equal footing again. A strange game of: 'I screw you, you screw me.' And they were finally even. Derek could at least accept that.

It didn't make her betrayal any less painful. It didn't make her screwing his best friend anymore right, but he also knew that her betrayal didn't really justify his. Adultery was dirty, pedestrian and cruel, and it had brought him here. Drunk, confused and not at all sure who he loved.

He sighed, "I don't know what else to say, Addie."
xaddis0nx on December 12th, 2006 01:46 am (UTC)
Addison let out a sigh of her own and rubbed her temple with one hand as she steered the car with the other. She wasn't supposed to be dealing with this right now. If Derek hadn't called her, if she had decided not to go to the bar, Addison would still be with Finn enjoying a night to themselves being friends or whatever possibility had come up for them. Now, however, she was trapped inside the car with Derek, facing all these horrid feelings she'd been trying to supress for the past week.

"You don't have to say anything, Derek. It's over," she said softly, trying to hid all the pain and sadness from her voice.

Their marriage was over. It had been for a long time, but neither had seemed to accept that. It was slowly dying once he'd decided that work was more important than his wife. Her sleeping with Mark had only opened their eyes up to the truth. Now they were both paying the price of ignoring their problems. Both of them were hurting and there wasn't much anyone could do to take the pain away.
dr_shep on December 12th, 2006 02:00 am (UTC)
The first thought that popped into Derek's head after Addison told him it was over was also the first thing that came out of his mouth, a product of the alcohol, for sure, because sober Derek would have probably have let this thought slide (for better or worse).

"Why, Addie? We haven't been even in years. Why does it have to end when we're finally on equal ground?"
xaddis0nx on December 12th, 2006 02:25 am (UTC)
"Because Derek...You wanted us to end. I tried. I tried so hard when I came here, but you didn't; you didn't want to," Addison said as she tried to keep herself from getting overly emotional while she was driving. She reached up to wipe away a tear that had managed to cascade down her cheek. "I'm through fighting a battle that can't be won."

Addison continued to drive through the rain, wishing they could just get to their destination already. Just a little longer... she told herself.

As much as she hated the Seattle rain, it always seemed to be symbolic of her mood. Really, she hadn't been truly happy in a long time, and the rain always matched the way she felt. The rain drops poured down onto the car as all the pain poured down onto her heart.
dr_shep on December 12th, 2006 05:10 am (UTC)
Derek shook his head, not fully understanding why Addison was being so difficult (or maybe understanding, but not admitting to himself that he did). He didn't see the tear fall down her cheek because he was keeping his head in his hands to minimize the pain.

He sighed, "And you won't even try, now?"
(no subject) - xaddis0nx on December 12th, 2006 05:39 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - dr_shep on December 12th, 2006 05:56 am (UTC) (Expand)
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(no subject) - dr_shep on December 13th, 2006 01:01 am (UTC) (Expand)
xaddis0nx on December 13th, 2006 01:43 am (UTC)
Addison looked up slightly when she heard the gentle thump of the styrofoam cup hitting the floor. It rolled a few feet away from her and she stood to pick it up. She took it into her hand and walked over to the trashcan, tossing it in as Derek had, only she succeeded in making it in. Now she and Derek weren't very far apart and she looked up at him with a small smile. Her emotions were still all over the place, not sure how she felt about anything. The more intelligent thing would have been to walk away and go back to the hotel, but she hadn't done that and it was too late now.

"No need to thank me, Derek," Addison said quietly, watching him lean against the counter. She knew that he should probably get into bed soon because sleep would make him feel better and rid him of his drunkenness. It was then that she realized there wasn't really any place for her to sleep. The bed was definitely off the list of possibilities, but there was that rather uncomfortable couch Derek had laid on earlier. She figured she would just put up with it for one night. It wasn't as if she wasn't used to sleeping in uncomfortable places; the on-call room beds were never that glamourous.

With a small sigh, she nodded her head at the bedroom. "You should get some sleep," she said, thinking she could change into something more comfy (some of his clothes) once he was asleep.
dr_shep on December 13th, 2006 01:49 am (UTC)
Derek nodded, straightening up from the counter and standing at his full height. He absently reached a hand out and touched her hip softly. It only seemed natural when she was in such close proximity.

Before she could recoil, he stepped forward and kissed her forehead in appreciation and agreed, "Yeah."
xaddis0nx on December 13th, 2006 02:07 am (UTC)
Her heart started racing, pounding in her chest. It wouldn't have surprised her if Derek could hear it thumping quickly. She wasn't sure if she was blushing, but she felt flushed and her cheeks felt warmer than usual. Addison knew she wasn't supposed to feel this way. They were getting divorced and she couldn't have herself still have these feelings because it would only make her hurt more.

She tried desperately to tell herself his gesture meant nothing. He was only showing his gratitude. He was still drunk. He wasn't thinking clearly at the moment. Countless excuses for his behavior ran through her mind to stop her from feeling that attraction.

It was hard, however, fulling knowing that he hadn't done anything that affectionate in a long while, only happening on a few occasions since she'd come to Seattle. A part of her wanted so bad for him to have actually meant more when he brushed his lips against her forehead, that part of her that was still trying to hold onto some ridiculous hope for 'Addison and Derek.'

She sighed and gave him a sad smile, placing a hand on his back. "Come on, let's get you to bed," Addison said as she began to usher him toward the bedroom.
dr_shep on December 13th, 2006 04:54 am (UTC)
Derek nodded; he was now sober enough to walk under his own power, though he appreciated Addison's supporting touch on his back. As he slowly started toward the bathroom, Addison accompanying him, Derek's mind began to drift.

He'd always been something of a horny drunk (which would explain why he'd been more than willing to go home with Meredith after his first night at Joe's), and now he was here with Addison. Sometime between the kitchen and the bedroom, Derek managed to talk himself into kissing her (though the sober half of his brain figured it was likely that she would slap him... and it probably qualified as taking advantage of her).

With that idea in mind, Derek turned, grabbing her face between his hands, and kissed her sloppily.
xaddis0nx on December 13th, 2006 05:18 am (UTC)
After eleven years of marriage, one manages to develop habits, certain reactions to things that happen. When your husband kisses your neck, you tilt your head to the side and give him better access to your skin. When he wraps his arms around you, you lean into his body as much as you can. And when your husband kisses you, you kiss him back, so when Derek captured Addison's lips in a sloppy kiss, her first instinct was to reciprocate.

She did, pressing her lips against his harder, but after a moment, her mind fully registered what was happening and she pushed him back, but still being careful not to push him too hard, knowing that his balance probably wasn't so good seeing as how he was still rather drunk.

Derek was drunk, really drunk. That's what she used to explain this awkward position they'd put themselves in. He was drunk and he didn't know what he was doing. It was sad to know that the only way to get him to notice her was after they were about to get a divorce and after he'd drowned himself in alcohol.

She stared at him for a moment before glancing around the trailer. This was the out Addison had needed, she supposed. "I--I should go," she said softly.
dr_shep on December 13th, 2006 05:30 am (UTC)
Derek had been so certain Addison would slap him or some other negative response that he almost didn't know what to do. But, just as he'd begun to sink into the kiss and accepted the reality of it, Addison had placed two hands on his chest and pushed him away. He'd stumbled slightly, but she hadn't pushed too hard.

He looked at her in surprise, his mind whirling, and then he dropped his eyes to the floor as she suggested leaving. She'd been doing that the entire time, looking for an out. He didn't know if it was because she was still so disappointed in him (kissing her would have only magnified that if it was the case) and was just looking for a way to leave him. Or if she was trying to respect him and give him the space he'd been looking for for months. He hoped it was the latter, although he now wasn't sure that was what he wanted.

"I... I thought you were staying," He said patheticaly stepping backwards and sitting on the edge of the bed.
xaddis0nx on December 13th, 2006 05:45 am (UTC)
Addison sighed and looked at him sadly. How she wished he wasn't drunk at this moment. Maybe sober Derek could at least explain to her what was going on; that is, if sober Derek would be willing to talk to her at all. Why did he have to go and get drunk? Things would be so much clearer had his actions made any sense whatsoever, but they didn't. They didn't correlate in any way.

Derek seemed like he couldn't make up his mind. He hadn't been good at that since she'd arrived in Seattle, but this was just ridiculous. Drunk or not, that kiss was prompted by something in Derek's mind, something that may still hold her as dear to him, but why? He was in love with Meredith Grey. He had made that very clear when he decided to engage in intercourse with her at the prom. But now he'd broken up with her, gotten completely plastered, and kissed Addison, his soon-to-be ex-wife.

It didn't make any sense and Addison couldn't be any more confused. Derek had his fair share of being utterly unpredictable, but this was a whole new level of surprising.

"What are we doing, Derek?" she asked, shaking her head slightly as her eyebrows furrowed questioningly.
(no subject) - dr_shep on December 13th, 2006 06:06 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - xaddis0nx on December 13th, 2006 06:40 am (UTC) (Expand)
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(no subject) - xaddis0nx on December 15th, 2006 04:35 am (UTC) (Expand)
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xaddis0nx on December 15th, 2006 05:46 am (UTC)
Addison finally gave in and said softly, "Okay." She looked into his eyes for moment and she thought that she could actually see her Derek in there. He looked sincere. He looked loving, and she could just imagine the Derek she had fell in love with all those years ago. That Derek was the real McDreamy, because he was her McDreamy. She had missed this Derek and she hated that he was coming back now.

It wasn't fair that her Derek would come back now. Why did he have to be this way; only wanting what he might not be able to have? Why couldn't he have wanted her before? Why now of all times?

She stayed silent, not voicing her thoughts, not complaining about any of it. Addison figured she should make the most of it and enjoy these few moments while they lasted. She let Derek usher her to the bed, climbing underneath the covers and pulling them up to her chest. She stared at the wall and waited for Derek to join her.

Thinking that this would be their last night together, things seemed so surreal. Last time; Addison and Derek were never supposed to have a last time. They were never supposed to be split apart. They were supposed to be one entity, and now, that was all going to end. This one night being the last page to their story.
dr_shep on December 15th, 2006 05:57 am (UTC)
Derek watched her crawl under the covers and look to him expectantly. He didn't take more than a moment to follow suit, sliding underneath the covers on his side of the bed. Rolling on his side like usual, Derek motioned for Addison to scoot closer to him. He figured she at least owed him that; one last night with her sleeping in his arms.

He knew in the morning there would be a million questions running through his head. He knew that in the morning this would only be more confusing. On top of the pain and agony of a hangover, he'd be forced to face his newly rediscovered feelings for Addison. He'd be forced to face his breakup with Meredith.

But for now, for the next few hours, he was going to sleep with Addison in his arms. Which was, he was convinced, where she belonged.
xaddis0nx on December 15th, 2006 06:18 am (UTC)
Addison moved into him and snuggled against his body. She turned so that her back was up against his chest and she was facing away from him. This felt too right to have to be the last. She never wanted this to end, hoping that they could stay frozen in this moment forever.

It wasn't possible that she could be with anyone else and have it feel this perfect. She wished it was the same for him, although she tended to doubt that. Derek had actually found something in Meredith while she never truly found anything in Mark. She had tried to convince herself that there was something there, that she hadn't thrown away her marriage for nothing, but in reality, she knew that she couldn't love Mark the way she loves Derek. Derek and Meredith, however, have (had?) something, which makes this situation in its entirety utterly confusing.

In the morning, they would have to deal with the consequences of this last night and the feelings that came along with it. She really didn't know what to expect, and there were quite a few possibilities.

Addison let out a sigh and moved closer to him. "Goodnight, Derek," she said softly before shutting her eyes, wishing her thoughts would leave her be for the night.
dr_shep on December 15th, 2006 06:28 am (UTC)
Addison's body was pressed firmly against his, and Derek draped one arm over her waist. Instinctively, he buried his face in her hair, inhaling the smell that was so inherently Addison (it wasn't a simple flowery scent like the one that followed Meredith around; it was just... Addison).

"Goodnight, Addie," He responded into her hair softly.

He closed his eyes and was surprised at how easily he relaxed. Ever since his tryst with Meredith at the prom, Derek hadn't been able to relax. Sleeping had taken far too much effort. Until this moment he had always chalked it up to longing for Meredith and the stress that inevitably came from battling for a woman's affections. But, now, he wondered if it was simply because he hadn't been laying with Addison.

This felt too right for comfort. She wasn't supposed to fit against him so damn perfectly. He wasn't supposed to breathe in her scent and know that it would haunt him for days. None of this was supposed to be happening.

But if Addison was in his arms that meant she wasn't truly disappointed, and he could at least live with that.
xaddis0nx on December 15th, 2006 06:47 am (UTC)
She felt his arm draping across her waist and she brought her own up to rest on top of his. She stayed quiet and just tried to enjoy this feeling while she could. Sleeping wasn't something Addison wanted to do tonight because she wanted to be able to remember this night forever; however, it wasn't long before she started to slip in and out of consciousness since she was so exhausted.

It had been a while since she had a whole night with uninterrupted sleep. There was always something that interrupted her, whether it be the hospital or just nightmares of her own reality. Addison felt so comfortable in his arms, it was hard to ward off the sleepiness.

A few tears rolled onto the pillow because she knew the evening was coming to an end and that sleep would end whatever they had together. Sure, they would have to face it in the morning but they would have to face it as different people. They would no longer be this couple who were so perfect for each other. Everything would be different then and the morning would mark a new beginning, one filled with too many unknowns.
dr_shep on December 15th, 2006 07:02 am (UTC)
Derek would have preferred to stay awake a little bit longer. He would have preferred to continue to breathe in Addison, to relish in holding her against him. He needed the time to forget all of the problems.

But her steady breathing against him and the alcohol were slowly lulling him to sleep. As he felt him slip further from consciousness he pressed a soft kiss to her hair, one last symbol of affection before he drifted away.
(no subject) - xaddis0nx on December 15th, 2006 07:21 am (UTC) (Expand)