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10 December 2006 @ 06:35 pm
Emerald City Bar  
The bell above the door rang as Addison quickly entered, trying to get out of the rain. She quickly scanned the bar for the one person she came there for.

She wasn't even sure why she was doing this. Well, she did know. She was doing this for Derek, but really, she shouldn't be. Right? Addison wasn't his wife anymore (at least she wouldn't be his wife anymore a couple days from now when they go to meet with the lawyer). She didn't have any claim to him. She didn't have any responsibility towards him, and yet here she was.

Addison loved him still and she would go through hell and back for him (she kind of already had). She hoped that deep down somewhere, he was still her Derek and that they could possibly work their way to being friends again. When their marriage fell apart, Addison had lost her best friend and her husband. Now, she only wanted to be able to hold onto one of them.

Her eyes finally fell on Derek who was sitting at the counter, nursing another glass of alcohol. She frowned as she went over to his side. "Derek?" she said softly, feeling all the eyes from people who work at the hospital on them. Derek just had to pick the one bar everyone from the hospital went to.
 
 
 
xaddis0nx on December 12th, 2006 07:24 am (UTC)
She swallowed hard, afraid of what was to come for the two of them. She didn't trust herself enough to let herself stay with him, but she couldn't escape the feelings of marriage either. This was what always happened when Derek got extremely drunk. She would take care of him, make sure he was okay in the morning, call in and tell the chief of surgery he'd be late or not come in at all. All of those feelings of responsibility didn't go away overnight.

Deciding to fight it one more time, Addison asked, "Are you sure...you want me to be here?"

Addison knew she should have just turned around and ran away. Derek was drunk and he didn't know half of the things he was saying. She knew that when he was completely sober, everything would go back to the way they were before, and she would end up even more hurt if she let herself fall back into being...whatever they had become. Still, she stood there, putting herself out there and letting him decide what came next.
dr_shep on December 12th, 2006 07:46 am (UTC)
The fact that Addison wasn't already running for the door gave Derek some miniscule amount of hope. Maybe he hadn't disappointed her to the point of no return (of course he was also drunk and probably very bad at reading her), but, regardless, she wasn't running for the door. And he wasn't going to turn down Addison caring for him.

"Please, Addie?"
xaddis0nx on December 12th, 2006 08:08 am (UTC)
Addison sighed and glanced at the door. It would have been so easy to just walk out that door and never look back, never to leave it to Derek to hurt her again. Yet she stayed and agreed to take care of him because she was still his wife, and even after the divorce papers were signed, she knew that she'd always see herself as Derek's wife.

She didn't say anything as she made her way over to the coffee pot and poured some coffee into a styrofoam cup for Derek. "Here," she said, holding it out in front of him.
dr_shep on December 12th, 2006 08:15 am (UTC)
Derek slowly sat up, trying not to upset the delicate balance between his head and stomach. He took the cup in two hands, wrinkling his nose as he brought it to his lips (scotch had tasted much better). After taking a small sip he looked around, resting the cup against his knee.

"Can I have an aspirin?" He wondered, dropping his head back against the couch.
xaddis0nx on December 12th, 2006 08:38 am (UTC)
"Yeah," Addison said softly with a nod before making her way over to the small medicine cabinet of the trailer. She sifted through the bottles of medicine and finally found the one she was looking for. Taking it, she grabbed two pills from inside the bottle and put everything back in its place.

Looking in the mirror, she didn't recognize the woman staring back at her. It wasn't the smart Addison who would have ran out the door any chance she had, she wasn't the total bitch every one, she wasn't exactly Derek's wife either. Addison was stuck somewhere in between, and assuredly, that was far from being a good thing.

She went back into what could be called the living room of the trailer and placed the aspirin in his hand. It was tempting to say something else, something a little more affection than was needed at this point, but she bit back her tongue.
dr_shep on December 12th, 2006 08:45 am (UTC)
Derek placed the pills on his tongue and took another sip of the coffee to rinse them down. He took a moment to assure that his stomach wasn't going to reject the pills and took another sip of the coffee, wishing it would start taking a stronger effect.

As his eyes drifted from the brown liquid in the styrofoam cup upward, he saw Addison and realized that she was still standing. Grateful that he was sober enough to push aside the inappropriate sexual comment that threatened on the tip of his tongue, Derek gave her a weak smile. He knew it took a certain kind of woman to still be here, taking care of her husband just days before their divorce, and that was something he would always respect in Addison.

"You can sit." He told her simply.
xaddis0nx on December 12th, 2006 09:14 am (UTC)
Addison was slightly startled when he spoke. She had been a little lost in her thoughts (since there were so many of them), thoughts of divorce of the past, just everything having to do with Derek in general.

"Thanks," she said quietly, looking around the room for a suitable place to sit. She settled on one of the chairs situated at the dining table and sat down.

Nothing had ever been awkward between the two of them. They'd always had something connecting them and everything always felt natural. Now, on the other hand, everything was far from being natural. They were getting a divorce and what they had deemed natural would be no more. She had known that being there, helping Derek in his time of need would hurt. She just didn't imagine it'd hurt this much, or be this confusing.
dr_shep on December 12th, 2006 03:43 pm (UTC)
Addison moving further away hadn't really been what Derek had planned when he had suggested she take a seat, but he'd take what he could get. He lifted the coffee to his lips again, finally adapting to the taste and feeling remotely better from its affects.

He glanced over to Addison and would have given anything to know what she was thinking, but he couldn't even beging to figure it out. It seemed like all he could get from her were mixed signals, and it wasn't like earlier when one glance from her had said so much.

Needing to hear her talk, for comfort, Derek softly said, "I never meant to disappoint you, Addie."
xaddis0nx on December 12th, 2006 04:03 pm (UTC)
"I know, Derek," came Addison's response as she shifted her gaze from the floor to him again. She smiled softly, almost sadly, as she recalled the words she'd told Meredith earlier in the day. "It's one of the reason's why I fell in love with you."

One of the reasons, indeed. Derek was the safe choice because she knew he wouldn't hurt her, not on purpose. Derek was amazing when he wanted to be, and as time passed, that brightness faded and in its place was only darkness and probably hatred for her.

Now, things continued to be that way and they drift apart more and more with each passing day. In his drunkenness, Derek may want Addison for whatever reason, but she knew that that would go away once his mind was unclouded. She needed to make sure she remembered that because she really couldn't go through the ups and downs of Derek's love again.
dr_shep on December 12th, 2006 04:21 pm (UTC)
Derek nodded, finding it slightly strange to hear the word 'love' coming from Addison's lips not in the context of blaming Derek for his feelings about Meredith Grey. That was okay with him. Hearing it was comforting, past-tense or not.

He was still certain he didn't really love Addison (not in the way he had 12 years ago, at least), but he didn't recoil at the thought. That was probably the strangest thing of all because ever since she'd arrived in Seattle recoiling had been the only response he could muster to her mentioning anything about their love.

His eyes met with hers and he smiled but didn't say anything. He was, at least, sober enough not to say anything too stupid and irreversible.
xaddis0nx on December 12th, 2006 07:06 pm (UTC)
At the sight of his smile, Addison immediately looked away. She knew that being in the trailer with him while he was smiling (god, that smile) and drunk, wasn't going to do her, or them, any good. She had always had a thing for his smile; the way his lips curled, the way his eyes gave off all of his joy. This smile wasn't the bright smile he once always gave her, but it was a smile, Derek's smile, and she couldn't risk it.

She pursed her lips together, wondering if this was the time to make her exit. Derek seemed to be a lot more stable than when she had found him in the bar. Looking up at him, he was still being quiet and smiling. She didn't know what else to say or do.

"Is there anything else you need? If not, I should probably be on my way," she said softly with a nod.
dr_shep on December 12th, 2006 07:59 pm (UTC)
Derek's gut reaction to her question was to tell her that he needed her, and it definitely threw him off guard. He did not need Addison. They'd ended up here (near divorced) because they no longer needed each other. And he knew he'd lost all claim to needing her sometime before.

He didn't tell her any of this. The coffee had cleared his mind at least that much, and he knew he had no right to tell her that. He had no right to be feeling that. He shrugged it off as a knee-jerk reaction; he'd been needing Addison for a third of his life.

Lifting the cup to his lips to at least give him a little bit more time to formulate a response, Derek finished the last of his coffee and then looked at her.

"Stay. I'm sure I'll need something. And... it's late; you don't need to drive at this time of night."

Was he seriously inventing excuses for Addison to stay? Apparently he was, but he couldn't even begin to explain why.
xaddis0nx on December 12th, 2006 11:25 pm (UTC)
Addison looked at him cautiously, unable figure out what his intentions where or why he kept telling her to stay. Sober or not, Derek was supposed to hate Addison (at least, he had been) even though they were even now. Had he really taken what she said earlier to heart? Was there some underlying reason as to why he didn't want her to go?

Her mind was running in circles; trying to figure out what was really going on, how much she needed to avoid it, and why was it happening. Derek was being really confusing, which she should have foreseen since he was drunk, but this was really not the hateful Derek that she'd gotten used to.

Derek was the one to go in full circles over and over again. One day, she was the love of his life, and the next, she was lesser than his job. At one point, he was going to sign the papers immediately, and then he wanted to try. Derek asked her to prom, and went on to cheat on her in an exam room. He hated her one minute, bringing up her tryst with Mark, and now he was asking her to stay.

Addison was tired of the emotional rollercoaster that she found herself on because of Derek. Up and down, up and down was all they ever did. But she couldn't say 'no.' She couldn't refuse him because he was Derek and she'd always feel this bit of hope that his smile meant something, that his look meant something, that he actually meant, for once, what he was saying. Maybe she was stupid and maybe she was naive, but she was a woman deeply in love.

"Okay," Addison said quietly, looking down at the floor. She told herself she wouldn't let her go through it again, and yet here she was.
dr_shep on December 13th, 2006 01:01 am (UTC)
She was staying. Derek was definitely more excited at that prospect than he would have thought. Addie was staying here, with him, and it wasn't that he wanted them back together. No, even in his slightly inebriated state he wasn't sure he wanted that, but he needed to know that he hadn't ruined everything. That he hadn't disappointed Addison so much that she was completely cutting him from her life.

He gave her an appreciative smile, but he knew she didn't see it because her eyes were fixed on the floor. He wasn't quite sure what he was supposed to be doing, now. He glanced up at the pot of coffee, wishing he could replicate how much better it had made him feel, but he also knew he needed to sleep and metabolize the alcohol (caffeine wasn't particularly conducive to that).

He stood slowly, attempting to move under his own power for the first time. It was harder than anticipated, and he had to lean against the counter to hold himself up.

"Thank you... for staying." He said softly, tossing the empty styrofoam cup into the trash and missing by a long shot.