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27 December 2006 @ 08:24 pm
Seattle Grace Hospital  
Addison had left the trailer, a heavy feeling hovering over her. She knew the moment she and Derek shared in the trailer wouldn't be their last happy moment together. There were going to be lots of moments in which they would go out and find their love for one another again. The only problem was they would have to make time to work things out, to talk about the past, about Mark and Meredith, about why they fell apart.

It wasn't fair. Why couldn't they just know and move on? Why did they have to bring out the pain and everything that's happened? Addison knew it was something they needed to do. She knew very well without talking about those things, their marriage would fall apart again. She just wished they could fast forward through all of that and just be happy, just be Addison and Derek.

Of course, life never worked that way and they would have to battle it out, hoping and keeping faith that they would come out of it alive and stronger than ever.

She'd gotten Finn's first text message on her way to the hospital but decided against texting him back until she got to the hospital; however, by then he'd already withdrawn his first request and told her to take a rain check. Noting that she really needed to talk to him, Addison made a mental note to contact him later. The night before had been complicated and she was sure she'd led him on. Now things were different and she was going to work things out with Derek so she needed to tell him. He was a good friend and she was sure that she would need his shoulder to lean on when things got tough with Derek so she needed to be absolutely honest with him.

Her day had gone on with very little difficulty. Everything was the same as always. Patients, babies, mothers; just the same thing she dealt with on a day to day basis. Her mind however drifted to Derek quite often. They always had, but this had gotten to a point where she almost couldn't keep her mind off of it. Her mind was on Derek when she walked down the halls. It was on Derek when she wrote notes in a chart. The only time she could tear her mind away from Derek was when she was actually in surgery. She was a surgeon and her patients deserved the best. She would not let her personal life jeopardize a patient's life.

Now Addison was staring blankly down at a chart at the nurses' station, pen in hand but unmoving. All she could think about was Derek, wondering when she'd be able to see him again, when they could have a moment like they'd had that morning. She missed the sheer bliss and playfulness they'd always shared in the beginning of their relationship. The morning let her get a glimpse of that again and all she wanted was for every moment to be just like that; Addison and Derek, the way they were supposed to be. It was just a dream, but it was dream she was going to hold on to.
dr_shep on December 28th, 2006 07:09 am (UTC)
Derek glanced around and realized that most of the hospital staff wasn't paying much attention to them. He knew that wouldn't be the case when word got out that McDreamy was no longer with Meredith Grey and had gone back to his wife, but for now they were a little bit safer. They were at least allowed to talk without raising suspicions. Although he knew the huge grin on Addison's face matched his own, and those would probably give away their reunion before anything else.

"I've already met with him; it wasn't anything important," Derek answered, glancing down at the watch on his wrist, "I should let you go; you look busy. I just wanted to give those to you."

He didn't suggest meeting later or something because he didn't know if he was supposed to. He didn't want to face the saddnes, but they needed to. And he wanted to do it soon. He just didn't know if Addison wanted to wait at all, so he thought it best not to offer just yet.
xaddis0nx on December 28th, 2006 07:43 am (UTC)
Addison's eyes followed his and she knew that he was worried about the same thing. It wouldn't be long before the news would be all over the hospital. Even then, they wouldn't be in the clear unless they were comfortable with everyone discussing every single detail of their progress.

This was what she hated about Seattle Grace. It was nothing like New York Presbyterian; gossip-wise anyway. There, the gossip had been mild. Everyone was more interested in the medicine and not the lives of the people performing medicine.

When Derek had left and she'd stayed with Mark, there wasn't much said and she wasn't necessarily ridiculed. There had been gossip and she'd heard whispers, but Seattle Grace was completely different. The people voiced their opinions without solace and didn't care about the ones involved. That was something else she had to dread about their agreement to reconcile.

She pursed her lips together as she looked at him and nodded. Her mind wandered to the other thing she had to dread and she wasn't sure what to do about it. Were they supposed to talk about things or maybe just have a nice dinner date to get them back to their peaceful blss? Addison figured it'd be better to get it over with. Rip the stitches. No anesthesia. It'd be better than living in agony awaiting for the pain to come, right?

"Yeah, I should go," Addison said softly and closed the chart that'd been sitting on the counter. "I'll um...are you free later?" Her question was asked softly after she'd looked around to make sure no one was in hearing distance.
dr_shep on December 28th, 2006 08:09 am (UTC)
It took all of Derek's effort for him not to let his grin grow any larger as Addison asked if he was free. He wanted nothing more than to see her later, and he was glad Addison was offering. If he grinned any wider, however, he knew the whole staff would suspect something was up. He probably already looked like a stupid, sappy idiot.

He didn't know what she wanted, if she was looking for a dinner date or a chance to discuss their problems. It didn't really matter. He would be seeing Addison, and that was the important part. That was what he needed to focus on.

"Yeah," he nodded slowly and continued speaking with a lowered voice, "Why don't you call me or something when you get done here?"
xaddis0nx on December 28th, 2006 08:22 am (UTC)
Addison was especially happy to see Derek's excitement shown by the ridiculous grin he had on his face. She hoped that that happiness and enthusiasm would still be there once they got to actually talking or spending time together. She wasn't sure which it would be; talking about their past or just spending time together. Whatever it was, it would be time spent with Derek and it would a step closer to becoming Addison and Derek again.

It was probably better to start with the tougher things. She'd rather begin with the pain and the hurt, getting that over with and then working their way back up to their sheer blissful moments filled with love and affection, instead of being happy and having all of that shattered when they finally confronted their problems. She would try to keep this in mind for when the time came. She was sure to try and back out of it, just wanting to be happy with Derek and nothing more.

"I'll do that," she said with a weak smile, picking up the chart a cradling it in her arms.
dr_shep on December 28th, 2006 08:38 am (UTC)
Derek wiped the smile from his face as best as he could. Someone would suspect something if he continued to look like this for too much longer. He reached out softly and brushed Addison's arm but pulled it away almost immediately. Touching her was not something he should be doing in public.

And, once again, he was struck with how he didn't know his boundaries. She was Addison, the most desirable woman he knew (regardless of what he'd been telling himself for months). Anytime he was with her and happy, wanting her was guaranteed to be on his mind, but they were taking it slow. It was a good idea, but it still confused him.

He didn't even know what they would be doing later. Addison, he suspected, had no idea either. She seemed to share his confusion.

"Okay," He agreed, knowing he should move but not really wanting to.
xaddis0nx on December 28th, 2006 09:00 am (UTC)
"Okay," Addison said in the most casual tone she could muster as she hugged the chart to her chest, trying to make this as normal looking for a couple on the verge of divorce could get.

The confusion apparent in both of them, she knew, wasn't going to help them in the slightest. Neither knew exactly what to do or what to say, especially in front of half the hospital. The awkward moments would serve as another road block to solving their marital problems, but like everything else, Addison had hope that they would be able to overcome them.

"I'll call you," she whispered softly and made her way down the hall, resisting to turn around and look back at Derek. Addison desperately wanted to; to make sure he was there and all of this wasn't apart of a daydream due to her distractedness or just to see him one last time, comfortable and content, possibly before they were met with all the pain. Still, she refused to indulge herself, knowing that people would talk and that she needed to get used to not having Derek as much anyway.
dr_shep on December 28th, 2006 09:06 am (UTC)
Derek didn't watch Addison walk away, but it wasn't because he didn't want to. He simply couldn't. It would be too obvious to everyone around that something was going on between the two Shepherds. So, he kept his back turned to her and walked towards the stairway.

He still didn't know what the evening would bring, but he knew it would at least include Addison. That was enough for him, even if it wouldn't stop his mind from wandering to a million different possibilities. Even if it wouldn't stop him from worrying and dreading the pain that was certain to come soon, he would make Addison's mere presence enough.

He got into his SUV and started it. Addison was the only thing on his mind during the trip back to his trailer.