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27 December 2006 @ 08:24 pm
Seattle Grace Hospital  
Addison had left the trailer, a heavy feeling hovering over her. She knew the moment she and Derek shared in the trailer wouldn't be their last happy moment together. There were going to be lots of moments in which they would go out and find their love for one another again. The only problem was they would have to make time to work things out, to talk about the past, about Mark and Meredith, about why they fell apart.

It wasn't fair. Why couldn't they just know and move on? Why did they have to bring out the pain and everything that's happened? Addison knew it was something they needed to do. She knew very well without talking about those things, their marriage would fall apart again. She just wished they could fast forward through all of that and just be happy, just be Addison and Derek.

Of course, life never worked that way and they would have to battle it out, hoping and keeping faith that they would come out of it alive and stronger than ever.

She'd gotten Finn's first text message on her way to the hospital but decided against texting him back until she got to the hospital; however, by then he'd already withdrawn his first request and told her to take a rain check. Noting that she really needed to talk to him, Addison made a mental note to contact him later. The night before had been complicated and she was sure she'd led him on. Now things were different and she was going to work things out with Derek so she needed to tell him. He was a good friend and she was sure that she would need his shoulder to lean on when things got tough with Derek so she needed to be absolutely honest with him.

Her day had gone on with very little difficulty. Everything was the same as always. Patients, babies, mothers; just the same thing she dealt with on a day to day basis. Her mind however drifted to Derek quite often. They always had, but this had gotten to a point where she almost couldn't keep her mind off of it. Her mind was on Derek when she walked down the halls. It was on Derek when she wrote notes in a chart. The only time she could tear her mind away from Derek was when she was actually in surgery. She was a surgeon and her patients deserved the best. She would not let her personal life jeopardize a patient's life.

Now Addison was staring blankly down at a chart at the nurses' station, pen in hand but unmoving. All she could think about was Derek, wondering when she'd be able to see him again, when they could have a moment like they'd had that morning. She missed the sheer bliss and playfulness they'd always shared in the beginning of their relationship. The morning let her get a glimpse of that again and all she wanted was for every moment to be just like that; Addison and Derek, the way they were supposed to be. It was just a dream, but it was dream she was going to hold on to.
dr_shep on December 28th, 2006 09:51 am (UTC)
Derek grinned when she told him who it was with just a simple pronoun. He liked that they were still holding onto some of their old comfortable habits. It gave him hope that they would be able to overcome this. Derek and Addison were still hiding inside them somewhere; they just needed to find themselves again.

He didn't really know how to answer her question. The trailer was private, and privacy was definitely something they needed. It was also really out of the way for Addison, and he didn't want to do that to her. The hotel gave them privacy and was less out of the way, but Derek wondered if going there would just remind him of finding Mark there with her. And a restaurant was nice and public and would keep them happy, but they wouldn't be able to talk about anything they needed to. It would only serve to accentuate their avoidance.

With a sigh, he finally answered, "We can't really talk about anything... important at a restaurant. I guess, you can come out here, or I can come there. It doesn't matter to me."
xaddis0nx on December 28th, 2006 10:22 am (UTC)
Addison nodded understandingly even though she knew Derek wasn't able to see her. It was now apparent that Derek wanted to talk, to really talk about things, and she guessed that these important matters consisted of everything she'd feared the entire day. There was much to be said, much to reveal. She wasn't sure if the prospect of being happy was bright enough in their minds to help them get through this.

It had to be done though. They needed to get past their greatest obstacle before they could truly move on and be Addison and Derek. It was going to hurt no matter what. The only difference was the outcome.

"I guess I can go to the trailer," she answered softly.

Between the trailer and the hotel, the trailer seemed like the better place for Addison despite its isolation. It was the trailer, a place she'd come to call home for several months. Even if there were bad memories, there were quite a few good ones too. At the hotel, things weren't as pleasant. It was strange and something she'd not gotten used to yet. No doubt, it wouldn't be great for Derek either.

The hotel was a symbol of lonliness as well as infidelity. It was the place she'd fled to after she found out about Derek and Meredith. It was also the place where she'd slept with Mark, again; another mistake she'd made that she wished she could take back. Too much pain and too many tears were shed there.
dr_shep on December 28th, 2006 10:29 am (UTC)
He hated making Addison drive all that way, especially when he knew there would have to be a return trip much later, but he didn't have a better solution. The trailer was a good place for them to be. It was relatively neutrail. Sure, Addison had spent months complaining about it, but they both had really good memories here. They both also had really bad memories here.

It would put them both on the same page and possibly make things easier. Although he wasn't sure how much easier things could get. They were going to be tough. This was going to be painful. He just hoped he could be the bigger person and hold her in his arms afterward.

"Okay," He nodded in agreement, "I don't mind driving in, if that would be easier for you, though."
xaddis0nx on December 28th, 2006 10:49 am (UTC)
The fact that he cared about her convenience made Addison smile lightly. It gave her hope that maybe he had enough love for her in him that he would be able to forgive her for all of her wrong doings. It was quite a stretch considering the extent of her mistakes, but that hope was all she had left to hold on to to keep herself from breaking down and running away from this.

She almost couldn't believe that this was going to happen not long from now. In a while, they would be together, faced with many challenges that they needed to battle. Whether or not they would win depended on how much love they really had for one another.

Addison knew in her heart that she loved Derek more than she could ever love anyone. She could forgive him for everything that happened with Meredith. She could get over his indifference in New York. Derek's love, however, sometimes she had to question. He'd left New York for Seattle without giving her the chance completely. He had actually left her for Meredith. There were just a lot of things that had happened that didn't quite signify his great love for her, and that scared her.

But that didn't matter because there was still hope. Even if it was the tiniest bit of hope, Addison was still going to hold on to it. Not getting through this, not getting back to Addison and Derek was not an option for her.

"No, it's fine. The trailer's probably the better place for talking about...important matters," Addison said, as she turned the key in the ignition.
dr_shep on December 28th, 2006 05:44 pm (UTC)
That settled it. They would be tackling the tough stuff tonight. Derek wasn't sure if he was looking forward to it or dreading it. Each time they talked about the tough stuff would potentially bring them one step closer to reconciliation, but it would also be painful. It would take a lot of faith and love.

He loved Addison; there was no question about that. He knew they would find Derek and Addison eventually, but it was going to take work. Derek wasn't sure he even knew how to put that much work into it. He had a nagging fear that his own inadequacies would be their downfall.

"Okay," He agreed, preparing to end the phone call before he realized that there was little food at the trailer and if she needed to eat this was not the place to do it at, "If you haven't eaten yet, you should probably get yourself something before you head out here. You saw my selection of food earlier."
xaddis0nx on December 28th, 2006 05:59 pm (UTC)
Addison let out a small laugh. The food he had could barely be called food let alone a selection. Again, it pained her to know that he was living like that but she tried to push those thoughts away. She would have offered to buy groceries, but it was getting late and it'd be a little awkward.

They were still married but planning to live apart for a while, so she knew that Derek wouldn't have her buying things without paying her back. Usually, she would have done it anyway, but tonight, they had more important things; things that shouldn't be clouded by bantering over something so trivial which would put them at a bad start.

"Yeah, I'll grab something for the both of us," she said into the phone as she started backing out. She might not have felt it right to buy groceries, but she was still going to buy him dinner. The food would allow them to have some time to be happy for just a little while longer before the tackled the more difficult parts.
dr_shep on December 28th, 2006 06:25 pm (UTC)
Derek liked the fact that she still wanted to take care of him, and he liked the prospect of being able to put off the pain while they ate. The happiness they had shared that morning had been nice. It had given him so much hope, and he had been happier and more satisfied than he'd been in months. He just wanted to fast forward through the pain and come out on the other side happier and married to Addison.

"Thanks but don't feel obligated. I'm sure I can find something around here."
xaddis0nx on December 28th, 2006 06:36 pm (UTC)
"Derek, don't be silly," Addison said quickly as she was just pulling out of the hospital parking lot. "I'm grabbing food for myself anyway. It's not like it's going to be a problem."

She was a little disappointed that Derek brought up the fact that she might feel obligated. He might have seen her as an obligations these months in Seattle, but she never once saw him that way. Derek was her husband, the love of her life, and she would do just about anything for him. No obligations, no questions asked. She wished he could see that.

Pursing her lips together, Addison drove with one hand on the steering wheel and one hand on the phone. She'd forgotten to get her headset out and it was too late now.

"Well, I'm on the road. I'll be there soon, so I'll talk to you when I get there?"
dr_shep on December 28th, 2006 06:50 pm (UTC)
Their conversation was coming to a close, and the next time he would talk to her she would be here. It would be time to face the tough stuff, and he wasn't necessarily looking forward to it. Even if their phone conversation was far from stimulating, it kept him from thinking about the impending 'important stuff' conversation.

"Yeah," He answered reluctantly, "Bye, Add."
xaddis0nx on December 28th, 2006 07:09 pm (UTC)
"Bye, Derek," Addison said softly and pressed the 'end call' button before tossing it onto the passenger seat.

She knew she shouldn't feel this way, but it really felt like they were saying goodbye to something more; their happiness, their bliss. They would have more of that, hopefully, more than just their impending dinner. This was the end to their denial and avoidance and the beginning to facing their problems. She wasn't sure if she was ready to do that and she only had a small amount of time before she had to face her fears, ready or not.

Swallowing hard, Addison continued driving whilst trying to calm her nerves which wasn't a very easy task.

After stopping at a Chinese restaurant and a long drive, she finally made it to the trailer and pulled up beside Derek's Range Rover. Addison turned off the ignition and took a deep breath as she stared at the trailer for a moment.

This was it. They were going to go up against all of their secrets, all of their pain, and everything that'd been left unsaid for years. It was time to really try and work out their marriage. Still, Addison wasn't ready, but she wasn't going to ever be more prepared for what was going to happen. There were too many unknowns, too many variables. She didn't know how Derek was going to react, and frankly, she wasn't sure how she was going to tell him. It would just happen as it happens.

Sighing, Addison grabbed her and the bag of chinese food and stepped down from her car, making her way up to the trailer. She tried to put a smile on her face. She would try to keep them happy for a little while longer. Walking across the deck and up to the door, she knocked since it technically wasn't her home anymore.
dr_shep on December 28th, 2006 07:19 pm (UTC)
After ending the call, Derek had resumed his previous position, pretending to read a book while his mind remained on Addison.

Derek was terrified of the impending pain. He would have to face Addison telling him about Mark. He could envision sitting there as she recounted that night, and it would make him almost physically ill. That night was so long ago, but if he really spent time thinking about it, Derek could still feel the same pain. How would he still be able to look at her after he was reminded of her infidelity?

He, in turn, would have to talk about Meredith. He would have to relive the months before Addison came to Seattle and admit that he'd never actually tried to rekindle their marriage. Most of his time in Seattle had been spent chasing Meredith (even when they were friends). And he would have to explain prom. Prom had happened just a week previously, and Derek hadn't even really faced the audacity of what he had done. In some ways, it was worse than what Addison had done with Mark, and it was eating away at him.

When Addison knocked at the door (or he assumed it was Addison), he tossed the book aside and got up from the couch to go answer it. He opened the door, being sure to give her enough room to enter.

"Hi," He gave her a small smile, determined to at least push aside his fears so they could be happy at first.
xaddis0nx on December 28th, 2006 07:38 pm (UTC)
Addison returned the weak smile as she stepped past him and into the trailer. The expression on his face told her that he'd been thinking and worrying about the same things she had. It was a little comforting to know that she wasn't alone in feeling this way, but at the same time she knew that that meant he wasn't too sure about how to approach this just as she was.

She tried to put on a brave face and continued to smile softly. "I brought Chinese," she said, holding up the white plastic bag.

It would bring them back to their good times, she hoped, back in med school when they were cramming for exams and all they had time for was ordering Chinese. Those were some really happy moments from that stage of their relationship. She hoped that maybe those memories could help them get through this.
dr_shep on December 28th, 2006 07:55 pm (UTC)
Derek couldn't help but let a small laugh escape his lips. When they had first been together, they had always opted for eating Chinese food. It was quick and easy to order takeout and eat it in their small apartment while they studied for exams. In fact, their first Thanksgiving together had been celebrated with Chinese food instead of turkey.

Seeing her holding brought back memories Derek had long forgotten, and it also reminded him of the last Thanksgiving they had spent together. Derek hadn't come home as promised, and Addison had eaten the Chinese food alone.

"Are we poor med students again?" He wondered with a grin, following her to the table.
xaddis0nx on December 28th, 2006 08:18 pm (UTC)
Addison smiled as she set the bag onto the table and began taking the boxes out, shrugging her shoulders and looking up at him. Those really had been some great times, despite the long nights spent studying. They also represented how they'd gotten through the difficulties of life and school just by being together. The food they ate didn't matter, neither did the lack of sleep. It was something they needed to keep in mind.

They could over come anything as Addison and Derek.

"I just figured it'd be a lot faster and we'd have something semi-decent to eat considering the time it took to obtain it," she replied with a grin as she sat down in one of the chairs.
dr_shep on December 28th, 2006 08:32 pm (UTC)
Derek smiled, "I seem to remember that being the same reasoning we used in med school."

He opened the refrigerator in search of something to drink, but all he found was beer. Opting against anything containing alcohol, he grabbed two glasses from the cabinet and filled them with ice and tap water. He set one on the table in front of her and debated where to set his own.

Finally opting on sitting next to her instead of across the table (because that was the way he had always done it when they were first together), Derek sat down and helped Addison remove the take-out containers from the bag.
(no subject) - xaddis0nx on December 28th, 2006 08:52 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - dr_shep on December 28th, 2006 09:04 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - xaddis0nx on December 28th, 2006 09:23 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - dr_shep on December 28th, 2006 09:30 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - xaddis0nx on December 28th, 2006 10:20 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - dr_shep on December 28th, 2006 10:40 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - xaddis0nx on December 28th, 2006 11:33 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - dr_shep on December 29th, 2006 06:42 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - xaddis0nx on December 29th, 2006 07:21 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - dr_shep on December 29th, 2006 07:58 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - xaddis0nx on December 29th, 2006 08:11 am (UTC) (Expand)