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27 December 2006 @ 08:24 pm
Seattle Grace Hospital  
Addison had left the trailer, a heavy feeling hovering over her. She knew the moment she and Derek shared in the trailer wouldn't be their last happy moment together. There were going to be lots of moments in which they would go out and find their love for one another again. The only problem was they would have to make time to work things out, to talk about the past, about Mark and Meredith, about why they fell apart.

It wasn't fair. Why couldn't they just know and move on? Why did they have to bring out the pain and everything that's happened? Addison knew it was something they needed to do. She knew very well without talking about those things, their marriage would fall apart again. She just wished they could fast forward through all of that and just be happy, just be Addison and Derek.

Of course, life never worked that way and they would have to battle it out, hoping and keeping faith that they would come out of it alive and stronger than ever.

She'd gotten Finn's first text message on her way to the hospital but decided against texting him back until she got to the hospital; however, by then he'd already withdrawn his first request and told her to take a rain check. Noting that she really needed to talk to him, Addison made a mental note to contact him later. The night before had been complicated and she was sure she'd led him on. Now things were different and she was going to work things out with Derek so she needed to tell him. He was a good friend and she was sure that she would need his shoulder to lean on when things got tough with Derek so she needed to be absolutely honest with him.

Her day had gone on with very little difficulty. Everything was the same as always. Patients, babies, mothers; just the same thing she dealt with on a day to day basis. Her mind however drifted to Derek quite often. They always had, but this had gotten to a point where she almost couldn't keep her mind off of it. Her mind was on Derek when she walked down the halls. It was on Derek when she wrote notes in a chart. The only time she could tear her mind away from Derek was when she was actually in surgery. She was a surgeon and her patients deserved the best. She would not let her personal life jeopardize a patient's life.

Now Addison was staring blankly down at a chart at the nurses' station, pen in hand but unmoving. All she could think about was Derek, wondering when she'd be able to see him again, when they could have a moment like they'd had that morning. She missed the sheer bliss and playfulness they'd always shared in the beginning of their relationship. The morning let her get a glimpse of that again and all she wanted was for every moment to be just like that; Addison and Derek, the way they were supposed to be. It was just a dream, but it was dream she was going to hold on to.
xaddis0nx on December 30th, 2006 09:43 pm (UTC)
"I stayed...with Mark," Addison said again, right after Derek spoke. Her mind was racing at hundred miles per hour, her thoughts jumping from Mark to Derek to Mark again while images of that night, sleeping with Mark, catching him with that nurse, all popped into her head.

"After you left, I stayed with him because I lo--I thought that I loved him. I wanted to believe that I hadn't thrown our marriage away for a fling so we stayed together." Addison swallowed hard as she stared at him with her tear-filled eyes.

All she could see in her mind was the night Derek found them in bed together. She saw the betrayal in his eyes, how angry he was that night. She saw herself banging on the front door of their brownstone as she felt the rain hit the bare skin on the back of her legs. She didn't want to feel like she lost him that badly again, but that sinking feeling wouldn't go away.

She continued, wanting to get everything out there, face Derek at his worst. This was the biggest part of her secret and if he could forgive her for this, they really could get through this.

"And well, Mark is Mark and I...found him with someone else. That's when Richard called." She played with the hem of her skirt nervously, wringing it in her hands. Looking into Derek's eyes, she hoped he could see how sorry she was and all the pain, all the regret she felt. "And so...that's the worst of it," she said softly.