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27 December 2006 @ 08:24 pm
Seattle Grace Hospital  
Addison had left the trailer, a heavy feeling hovering over her. She knew the moment she and Derek shared in the trailer wouldn't be their last happy moment together. There were going to be lots of moments in which they would go out and find their love for one another again. The only problem was they would have to make time to work things out, to talk about the past, about Mark and Meredith, about why they fell apart.

It wasn't fair. Why couldn't they just know and move on? Why did they have to bring out the pain and everything that's happened? Addison knew it was something they needed to do. She knew very well without talking about those things, their marriage would fall apart again. She just wished they could fast forward through all of that and just be happy, just be Addison and Derek.

Of course, life never worked that way and they would have to battle it out, hoping and keeping faith that they would come out of it alive and stronger than ever.

She'd gotten Finn's first text message on her way to the hospital but decided against texting him back until she got to the hospital; however, by then he'd already withdrawn his first request and told her to take a rain check. Noting that she really needed to talk to him, Addison made a mental note to contact him later. The night before had been complicated and she was sure she'd led him on. Now things were different and she was going to work things out with Derek so she needed to tell him. He was a good friend and she was sure that she would need his shoulder to lean on when things got tough with Derek so she needed to be absolutely honest with him.

Her day had gone on with very little difficulty. Everything was the same as always. Patients, babies, mothers; just the same thing she dealt with on a day to day basis. Her mind however drifted to Derek quite often. They always had, but this had gotten to a point where she almost couldn't keep her mind off of it. Her mind was on Derek when she walked down the halls. It was on Derek when she wrote notes in a chart. The only time she could tear her mind away from Derek was when she was actually in surgery. She was a surgeon and her patients deserved the best. She would not let her personal life jeopardize a patient's life.

Now Addison was staring blankly down at a chart at the nurses' station, pen in hand but unmoving. All she could think about was Derek, wondering when she'd be able to see him again, when they could have a moment like they'd had that morning. She missed the sheer bliss and playfulness they'd always shared in the beginning of their relationship. The morning let her get a glimpse of that again and all she wanted was for every moment to be just like that; Addison and Derek, the way they were supposed to be. It was just a dream, but it was dream she was going to hold on to.
xaddis0nx on December 31st, 2006 02:30 am (UTC)
The lack of words from Derek was starting to get to her. All of her fears only getting enhanced by the silence. She could only imagine what he was thinking now. He was probably trying to come up with ways how to hurt her back or ways to get rid of her forever. Maybe he was thinking of another city (or country) he could flee to, to get away from her.

Addison didn't know what to do. She didn't know what to say. She knew she couldn't make any of it better. The pain was already there and she couldn't take it away. She couldn't take back the things she'd done, and again, Addison felt as if she'd ended her marriage; sealed the deal, signed the divorce papers, and have lost Derek forever by telling him this.

She let out a breath and brought her hands up to wipe her eyes and brush the tears away. She wouldn't be an obligation to him any longer or the woman who constantly hurt him. Addison knew she deserved every silent treatment, every form of torture that he could come up with, but she couldn't. She couldn't sit here, knowing that she'd lost Derek forever and pretend like it was okay for her to be there.

Standing up, Addison straightened out her skirt and continued wiping at her eyes. "I'll just uh...I'll go now," she said softly nodding slightly, her voice cracking her in between words.