Log in

No account? Create an account
27 December 2006 @ 08:24 pm
Seattle Grace Hospital  
Addison had left the trailer, a heavy feeling hovering over her. She knew the moment she and Derek shared in the trailer wouldn't be their last happy moment together. There were going to be lots of moments in which they would go out and find their love for one another again. The only problem was they would have to make time to work things out, to talk about the past, about Mark and Meredith, about why they fell apart.

It wasn't fair. Why couldn't they just know and move on? Why did they have to bring out the pain and everything that's happened? Addison knew it was something they needed to do. She knew very well without talking about those things, their marriage would fall apart again. She just wished they could fast forward through all of that and just be happy, just be Addison and Derek.

Of course, life never worked that way and they would have to battle it out, hoping and keeping faith that they would come out of it alive and stronger than ever.

She'd gotten Finn's first text message on her way to the hospital but decided against texting him back until she got to the hospital; however, by then he'd already withdrawn his first request and told her to take a rain check. Noting that she really needed to talk to him, Addison made a mental note to contact him later. The night before had been complicated and she was sure she'd led him on. Now things were different and she was going to work things out with Derek so she needed to tell him. He was a good friend and she was sure that she would need his shoulder to lean on when things got tough with Derek so she needed to be absolutely honest with him.

Her day had gone on with very little difficulty. Everything was the same as always. Patients, babies, mothers; just the same thing she dealt with on a day to day basis. Her mind however drifted to Derek quite often. They always had, but this had gotten to a point where she almost couldn't keep her mind off of it. Her mind was on Derek when she walked down the halls. It was on Derek when she wrote notes in a chart. The only time she could tear her mind away from Derek was when she was actually in surgery. She was a surgeon and her patients deserved the best. She would not let her personal life jeopardize a patient's life.

Now Addison was staring blankly down at a chart at the nurses' station, pen in hand but unmoving. All she could think about was Derek, wondering when she'd be able to see him again, when they could have a moment like they'd had that morning. She missed the sheer bliss and playfulness they'd always shared in the beginning of their relationship. The morning let her get a glimpse of that again and all she wanted was for every moment to be just like that; Addison and Derek, the way they were supposed to be. It was just a dream, but it was dream she was going to hold on to.
dr_shep on January 4th, 2007 06:47 pm (UTC)
Derek smiled, his eyes glancing over her face and taking in her beautiful features. She looked more beautiful than he'd seen her in a long time. She seemed happier than he'd seen her in... years. And her features seemed to glow in the perfect way he remembered from the best moments of their life (their first night together, the proposal, their wedding, the honeymoon, their first married Thanksgiving).

He sighed and immediately regretted it because Addison had probably heard it, but it seemed like the perfect occasion to sigh. He knew Addison hadn't lost her beauty, but he did know that along the way she'd lost her happiness. Her happiness was part of her beauty (but certainly not all of it). Her happiness was the part of her beauty that had made Derek want her to be his wife. And her lack of happiness had been his fault.

A few tears burned at his eyes, and he was grateful Addison's eyes were closed. He rolled away slightly, pulling away from her arms, so that she couldn't see his pain.
xaddis0nx on January 4th, 2007 07:07 pm (UTC)
Feeling him pull away, Addison's eyes opened again and she wondered what she'd done wrong. It was just an instinctual feeling. A lot of wrong things had been committed by her and they never failed to bother Derek. Whether it was Mark or whatever it was, she didn't doubt that Derek was thinking about it.

It was their night, their night to rediscover each other, but there was a lot of baggage. There was a lot of pain, pain that they might not have got over. She had heard his sigh and she now let one out too.

Propping herself up onto an elbow to get a better look at thim, Addison ran her hand down the smooth skin of his arm. "Derek?" she called, hoping he'd tell her what was wrong. Pushing it, she figured, would only make matters worse.
dr_shep on January 4th, 2007 08:18 pm (UTC)
Derek considered not rolling over and telling Addison what was wrong. He didn't particularly want to face it, and he didn't want to ruin the mood. The mood was already ruined, though, he knew. But he didn't turn over right away.

"I'm sorry," He called softly, wiping away a tear before rolling over to face her.

This night had been pretty perfect thus far. She had told him her secrets. She had bared her soul. They had reconnected. They were really married again, and he couldn't not tell her what was bothering him. It was time to come clean

"I'm so sorry."
xaddis0nx on January 4th, 2007 10:05 pm (UTC)
Addison looked rather shocked, being taken aback by Derek's response. She had expected for him to be upset with her, to ask questions about why she'd slept with Mark or something. She just hadn't expected an apology or the hurt in his eyes. It made her just want to take his pain away, but right now she didn't know how.

Wrapping her arm around him again, she pulled him close, pressing her cheeks against his. "Derek, you don't need to be sorry for anything," she said softly, not sure what she was supposed to say. She didn't know what was bothering him. She didn't know how to make it better. She just knew that she wanted to make it better and at this moment, that was to stop him from feeling sorry.
dr_shep on January 5th, 2007 05:25 am (UTC)
He sighed. He did have a lot to be sorry for. If he didn't, Addison would never have hurt. Slowly, he brought his hand up to her face and brushed at her cheek with his finger. He pulled her back slightly so he was looking into her eyes.

"Yes, Addison, I do," He told her softly. "I can't--I can't remember the last time you were this happy. I keep trying to remember the last time you were, and everything I can come up with was more than a decade ago."

"Did I really keep you unhappy for more than a decade?"
xaddis0nx on January 5th, 2007 06:04 am (UTC)
Addison's eyes quickly filled with tears as she stared into his hurt-filled eyes. Derek had caused her a lot of pain in the past, but none of it could ever compared to this; watching the love of her life be hurt and truly sorry for the wrongs he'd commited to her. She had wanted him to be sorry and to understand how she'd felt all these years, but she never wanted this. She never wanted him to be hurt like this.

"No, of course not," Addison said, shaking her head slowly as tears fell from her eyes. "We were happy, Derek. We had...lots of happy times."

She dropped her forehead to his and cupped his face in her hands, crying softly. "I loved you and you loved me, that's all that really mattered."
dr_shep on January 5th, 2007 06:22 am (UTC)
Derek's lips curled into a sad smile at her assertion. He was at least comforted that she hadn't been completely miserable. Although he doubted some of the truth in her statement. Even just a few years into their marriage he hadn't been spending much time with her, and their time together had always been on a schedule.

He would have given anything to take it back. He would have given anything to make things right in his marriage back then, before he had hurt her. If only he could change the past.

"Add," He sighed, using his thumb to brush away a few of her tears. "I love you. I never meant to hurt you, and I want you to always be this happy."

"You're beautiful when you're happy."
xaddis0nx on January 5th, 2007 06:54 am (UTC)
Addison sighed and leaned in to press a sloppy kiss to his lips. All of the things Derek said, she already knew. She'd always known that Derek would never hurt her. It was one of the reasons why she fell for him in the first place. Derek was all she could ever ask for and all she had ever wanted. The pain, the sadness, the loneliness; sure, all of that hurt her a lot, but it was nothing compared to losing him forever.

"I know, Derek. I know you never meant to hurt me," she said, caressing his cheek, feeling the stubble graze against her palm. "I'll always be happy as long as I'm with you.

She pulled back to look into his eyes again, giving him a weak smile. "We're getting through this, Derek. We're going to be happy and we're going to grow old together."
dr_shep on January 5th, 2007 07:17 am (UTC)
He had to believe that she was right. If they weren't going to be together forever, they'd sure gone through a lot of pain for nothing, and he loved her. There was no doubt that Addison was the love of his life. He had to put faith in that fact.

He would never hurt her again. He would never let her be unhappy, at least never for an extended period of time. He was going to make sure that moments like this would become a regular occurence again. Their love would never be a question. She would never be an obligation again.

"We're getting through this," He repeated softly, giving her a soft kiss. As he pulled back, a reluctant playful smile formed on his face, and he wrinkled his nose slightly.

"Even when you're all old and wrinkly?"
xaddis0nx on January 5th, 2007 07:39 am (UTC)
Addison let out a small laugh at his final question and brought her hands up to wipe away her remaining tears. She sat up and climbed underneath the covers, ending up on her back and staring up at the ceiling. Turning her head towards him, she kissed him softly again.

"Mmhmm," she said nodding. "I'll be happiest when I'm with you when we're all old and wrinkly."

She didn't want to bring it up now, but that didn't stop her from thinking about it. Addison always pictured them being the happiest old couple, playing with their grandchildren in their small, cozy house. Maybe it was wishful thinking, but it was a future she wouldn't mind having.