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27 December 2006 @ 08:24 pm
Seattle Grace Hospital  
Addison had left the trailer, a heavy feeling hovering over her. She knew the moment she and Derek shared in the trailer wouldn't be their last happy moment together. There were going to be lots of moments in which they would go out and find their love for one another again. The only problem was they would have to make time to work things out, to talk about the past, about Mark and Meredith, about why they fell apart.

It wasn't fair. Why couldn't they just know and move on? Why did they have to bring out the pain and everything that's happened? Addison knew it was something they needed to do. She knew very well without talking about those things, their marriage would fall apart again. She just wished they could fast forward through all of that and just be happy, just be Addison and Derek.

Of course, life never worked that way and they would have to battle it out, hoping and keeping faith that they would come out of it alive and stronger than ever.

She'd gotten Finn's first text message on her way to the hospital but decided against texting him back until she got to the hospital; however, by then he'd already withdrawn his first request and told her to take a rain check. Noting that she really needed to talk to him, Addison made a mental note to contact him later. The night before had been complicated and she was sure she'd led him on. Now things were different and she was going to work things out with Derek so she needed to tell him. He was a good friend and she was sure that she would need his shoulder to lean on when things got tough with Derek so she needed to be absolutely honest with him.

Her day had gone on with very little difficulty. Everything was the same as always. Patients, babies, mothers; just the same thing she dealt with on a day to day basis. Her mind however drifted to Derek quite often. They always had, but this had gotten to a point where she almost couldn't keep her mind off of it. Her mind was on Derek when she walked down the halls. It was on Derek when she wrote notes in a chart. The only time she could tear her mind away from Derek was when she was actually in surgery. She was a surgeon and her patients deserved the best. She would not let her personal life jeopardize a patient's life.

Now Addison was staring blankly down at a chart at the nurses' station, pen in hand but unmoving. All she could think about was Derek, wondering when she'd be able to see him again, when they could have a moment like they'd had that morning. She missed the sheer bliss and playfulness they'd always shared in the beginning of their relationship. The morning let her get a glimpse of that again and all she wanted was for every moment to be just like that; Addison and Derek, the way they were supposed to be. It was just a dream, but it was dream she was going to hold on to.
xaddis0nx on January 7th, 2007 08:38 am (UTC)
Addison felt that Derek was tensing up a bit, but she wasn't sure if she should inquire him about it or let it slide for now. They'd been through a lot tonight and talked about very emotionally draining subjects. She wasn't sure if she was prepared for another one just yet. Still, she couldn't just let something bother Derek without dealing with it too.

They were in this together no matter what. She had to believe that they would be able to get through whatever it was. Derek shouldn't be going through it alone.

"Derek? Is something your your mind?" Addison asked, moving her hand along his side comfortingly and opened her eyes wider to show him that he had her attention.
dr_shep on January 7th, 2007 08:54 am (UTC)
There was really no going back and telling her that nothing was bothering him. She could sense that something was bothering him, and it was time to be honest with each other. They couldn't hide problems. Communication was key. They would get through everything if they could just remember that.

Derek gave her a reassuring smile, trying to let her know that it wasn't too much of an issue. He brushed a lock of hair from her face and tucked it behind her ear, his eyes studying her face.

Addison's potential answer terrified him a little. He didn't know what she was going to suggest. Staying together, her moving back in, wasn't a good idea right now. They needed the time apart to realize how important they were to each other, but there was still a lot more to deal with. He just didn't want to be denied any Addison.

"Where are we going from here, Add?" He wondered softly, "With the whole being married thing, I mean. What does staying apart entail? How off-limits are you?"
xaddis0nx on January 7th, 2007 09:33 am (UTC)
With a small sigh, Addison began to contemplate the answers to his questions. Honestly, she didn't know and hadn't really thought much about what they could and could not do. It'd already been settled that distance was something that they would strive for to prevent them from jumping back into being married too soon. The rest of it was unclear.

Now was the time to figure out exactly what the terms of engagement for being married but apart meant. It wasn't going to be easy because now they had a glimpse of how wonderful they could be. They wouldn't want to give that up for anything. Addison didn't and she just wished that everything could be guaranteed to be okay so they wouldn't have to worry about this at all, but things never work out the way they want it.

"Well, it entails me not staying here very often and you not stay at the hotel with me very often," she said, knowing perfectly well that was the most obvious part of their arrangement. "And...I don't know, honey. Maybe we should just act like we're dating again. It should give us the time apart that we need and the time together that we could really enjoy."
dr_shep on January 7th, 2007 09:52 am (UTC)
When the phrase dating left Addison's mouth, the first images in Derek's mind were of Meredith Grey because she was the last person he had dated. Just days before he had been dating Meredith. As he tried to push thoughts of the frail intern out of his head, he realized that these memories of Meredith were different than they had been lately. He wasn't longing for them, he wasn't pining for her; they were simply there. They were facts of life. That was at least comforting.

Dating Addison was different than dating Meredith, anyways. It had been more than a decade since he'd dated her, and their dates had consisted more of makeout sessions stuck between studying for tests and attending class than anything else. It was a different world than the one they were in right now, but he could make it work. He was at least grateful she wasn't swearing off spending the night together completely.

"Does that mean I can feel you up during staff meetings like I used to during our pharmacology lectures?" He wondered with a playful grin, "Because if that's part of the deal, I think I can agree to it."
xaddis0nx on January 7th, 2007 10:57 am (UTC)
Laughing, Addison hugged him tighter and scooted as close as possible. Images of them in med school while they dated popped into her mind. There were many nights filled with Chinese food and cramming for tests. They had always found fun things to do during class; the best of them were when they were watching films. It had been fun and it'd been a time where they were just beginning to fall in love with one another. That was something they needed now to keep them going strong.

"I don't think I'd mind that," she said with a smirk and pressed a kiss to his shoulder. "But I don't think Richard or anybody else would appreciate it as much as we would. So how about we keep the feeling up and the very physical stuff to just us?"

She loved how they could turn such a serious topic to something fun and playful. It was a sure sign that everything would work out for the best. They were already able to see the bright side of things and that was all that they needed to get through the darkness of their past. Faith would keep them together and would bring them out of the darkest times.
dr_shep on January 7th, 2007 11:28 am (UTC)
Derek chuckled, giving her shoulder a soft pat. Everything was coming back to playfulness. It was like they'd been when they were dating. They would fight, they would cry, and within minutes they would be laughing and feeding each other Chinese food or in bed laughing intimately. It was strange how much they, now at 36, mirrored their 24-year-old selves.

"You're such a kill-joy," Derek thrust out his lower lip in a pout, "I was seriously looking forward to that. You can't just lead me on."
xaddis0nx on January 7th, 2007 09:04 pm (UTC)
"I am not a kill-joy," Addison countered, slapping him on the chest lightly with the palm of her hand. "And just because your mind immediately jumps to dirty things does not mean that I led you on."

Rolling onto her back, she stared up at the ceiling, just thinking about how wonderful everything had been then. They had been really happy, then; all of them including Savvy, Weiss, and even Mark. There'd been a point when all of them were the best of friends and did everything together. Things changed and that didn't happen as often. Now that they were in Seattle, hopes of that would probably never happen, but Addison still had Derek and that was enough for her.
dr_shep on January 7th, 2007 10:20 pm (UTC)
Derek recoiled at her playful slap, his lips grinning widely. This reminded him a lot of their dating. They were laughing and being playful. They were talking boldly about sex and other things, something they definitely hadn't been doing recently, but this had been such a common occurence when they were first together.

He rolled onto his side so he could look at Addison. Pressing a kiss to her cheek, he chuckled, "You said dating. I seem to remember dating including a lot of dirty things. That is leading me on, Add."
xaddis0nx on January 8th, 2007 12:26 am (UTC)
Addison turned her head to look at him again, their faces merely inches apart. "Whatever you say, Derek Shepherd," she said playfully, leaning in to give him another kiss. After a moment of contemplation, a smirk appeared on her face. "You know...With a little bit of convincing, I might change my mind."

She really couldn't remember the last time she felt this way, but it was amazing nonetheless. They were having fun and talking, something they hadn't done very much when she came to Seattle or back in New York after he'd started working more. She'd missed talking to Derek because she had always found herself able to talk to him for hours on end. Back in med school, back in the beginning of their marriage, they'd talked for large amounts of time. Slowly, that had gone away as years passed and now it was back again, and she was more than grateful.
dr_shep on January 8th, 2007 12:43 am (UTC)
Derek smiled, feeling their breaths mingling in the short space between their faces. He brought his hand to the side of her face, brushing her hair from her cheek and cupping the back of her head, "Convincing? I can be very persuasive." He pulled her in for a kiss, darting his tongue out slightly to seek entrance into her mouth.

He was the luckiest man in the world. Years before, in med school, Addison had been considered quite a catch. She was beautiful and smart, and she had picked Derek over all of her other offers (including a few rumored offers from Mark). He'd been lucky then to have her pick him and agree to marry him, but he was even more lucky now. He'd screwed up everything, and she was still here. She was still choosing him years later.

Yes, he was very lucky, but he didn't have any illusions about his luck lasting forever. Addison would wise-up and stop giving him chances eventually if he kept screwing up. He wouldn't give her the chance to want to leave because he was going to keep convincing her that he was the right choice. Because Derek loved her, and that was all that mattered.
xaddis0nx on January 8th, 2007 02:06 am (UTC)
Smiling against his lips, Addison purred softly in satisfaction into his mouth. She let his hand guide her but didn't stop herself from deepening the kiss as she wished. Parting her lips, she allowed his tongue to enter her mouth, being rather passive at times and just massaging his with hers gently once in a while.

That fact that they'd made it so far was something Addison would always marvel. They've been through lots of happy days which were followed by dark and sad times. Still, she and Derek had been able to get back here, and that was amazing in and of itself.

Finally, she pulled back from the kiss, her breathing coming out labored as her eyes fluttered open to look at him again. "I think...you've come real close to making me change my mind," she said breathily, pressing their foreheads together.
dr_shep on January 8th, 2007 02:40 am (UTC)
Derek chuckled softly, at least as much as he could with a heavy as his breathing was. He looked into her eyes, knowing that the lust and love he found there was mirrored in his own. He pressed a soft kiss to her lips.

"Close? You're certainly hard to please, Addie," He wondered breathily, "But I am more than up to the task."

He brought their lips together but didn't initiate any kiss. Teasingly, he darted his tongue out as if licking his lips, but, since their lips were touching, his tongue moistened hers as much as his.
xaddis0nx on January 8th, 2007 04:09 am (UTC)
Addison smirked slightly before encasing his tongue between her lips and his. She lifted a hand to the side of his face, her fingers against the back of his neck and pulled him closer. Her teeth clinked together when she turned slightly and moved closer to him.

She loved being in control. It was just something she'd developed through out her years, most likely due to how passive she was in her early years as a high school band geek. College had allowed her change and blossum into something better, but it was Derek who'd helped her become who she really was; a surgeon, his wife, Dr. Addison Forbes Montgomery-Shepherd.

"I am," she said breathlessly as she pulled back slowly, giving him another soft kiss. "But you do a pretty good job of it."