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10 December 2006 @ 06:35 pm
Emerald City Bar  
The bell above the door rang as Addison quickly entered, trying to get out of the rain. She quickly scanned the bar for the one person she came there for.

She wasn't even sure why she was doing this. Well, she did know. She was doing this for Derek, but really, she shouldn't be. Right? Addison wasn't his wife anymore (at least she wouldn't be his wife anymore a couple days from now when they go to meet with the lawyer). She didn't have any claim to him. She didn't have any responsibility towards him, and yet here she was.

Addison loved him still and she would go through hell and back for him (she kind of already had). She hoped that deep down somewhere, he was still her Derek and that they could possibly work their way to being friends again. When their marriage fell apart, Addison had lost her best friend and her husband. Now, she only wanted to be able to hold onto one of them.

Her eyes finally fell on Derek who was sitting at the counter, nursing another glass of alcohol. She frowned as she went over to his side. "Derek?" she said softly, feeling all the eyes from people who work at the hospital on them. Derek just had to pick the one bar everyone from the hospital went to.
dr_shep on December 14th, 2006 03:26 pm (UTC)
Derek's eyes found their way to Addison as she changed into his clothing. It was simply habit, he told himself. She was his wife, after all, and he'd been watching her change for years. The sad look in her eyes reminded him that this would quite likely be the last time he would be able to watch her.

He sighed, his eyes still on her as he slipped off his jeans. It wasn't supposed to be this way. He wasn't supposed to be sad or longing over the loss of Addison. That had been the goal for months now. And, now, he was watching her and sad that it would be the last time.

He shook his head. This was simply far too confusing. He reached out for her hand because it was a comforting action, and he needed the comfort.
xaddis0nx on December 14th, 2006 03:52 pm (UTC)
Addison froze when Derek's hand made contact with hers, letting out a small gasp out of shock. She stared at their linked hands for a moment before bringing her gaze up to meet his. The look of confusion spread across his entire face, only feeding her spark of hope more and more. Why must he do this to her? Why now, after everything?

"Derek, don't. Please, don't make this harder than it already is," Addison pleaded.

It wasn't fair to her. It wasn't fair that she'd spent months going through hell, jumping through every one of his hoops to have him cheat on her with Meredith Grey. He shouldn't get to be the martyr and he shouldn't get to feel this way. He wanted Meredith and now Addison was giving that to him. Derek shouldn't get to string her along any further.
dr_shep on December 14th, 2006 04:10 pm (UTC)
Derek kept hold of her hand for a few moments after her request before dropping it. If she didn't want to comfort him, then he didn't really know what to do. He couldn't make her, especially when he didn't know exactly what he wanted.

He sighed, slowly walking from her and to the kitchen to turn off the light from that half of the trailer. Everything was just a little bit harder when he turned back and saw her standing there. She still looked like his Addison, wearing his clothes and looking one hundred times more beautiful than she did all dressed up (some things just never changed).

She wasn't supposed to look like that. She wasn't supposed to be desirable. He wasn't supposed to think those things about her. This was the same thing (how beautiful she was) that he'd been struggling against ever since she came to Seattle. Because she was Addison, and he wasn't supposed to want her. But he couldn't stop it.

He wished she would just understand how torn he was, instead of constantly trying to push him away.
xaddis0nx on December 14th, 2006 04:30 pm (UTC)
She avoided his eyes, trying her best to keep herself from crying or just throwing her arms around him and begging him to choose her, to stop making things so utterly difficult to do. Addison couldn't let him go. She couldn't hate him no matter how hard she tried. But she also couldn't let herself love him completely when he had caused her so much pain, when he might cause her even more pain.

The divorce was never supposed to be like this. She was supposed to let him go. He was supposed to be happy with Meredith. They were supposed to lead separate lives in peace, without these jumbled emotions for each other.

Life and love wasn't supposed to be this hard. Growing up, you're told all of these fairy tales of happily ever after. You paint this picture of yourself being the damsel and having your prince charming sweep you off your feet and carry you into the horizon with the setting of the sun. Love was never supposed to be filled with pain or hardship. It wasn't supposed to be this hard. There was no falling out of love in Addison's fantasy, and yet, her prince charming had managed to do that.

"I'll sleep on the couch," she said softly, her eyes landing on everything but Derek.
dr_shep on December 14th, 2006 06:03 pm (UTC)
Why was she being so goddamn difficult? Constantly pushing him away. This was not how it was supposed to work. Addison was supposed to be chasing him, and he was supposed to be pushing her away. Somehow the tables had been turned. He was suddenly not quite as certain about wanting this to end, and Addison kept pushing him away.

He didn't fail to notice how she wouldn't look at him, but he didn't mention it. Slowly, he started back to the bedroom and toward her.

As he approached, he shook his head, "No."

If she wouldn't give him anything more, she could at least let him spend their last night with her in his arms.
xaddis0nx on December 15th, 2006 04:35 am (UTC)
"What?" Addison asked meekly, finally lifting her head up to look at him. She could see the determination in his eyes. She could see how much Derek really wanted this last night and she started to question how sober he might be.

Addison knew the alcohol was beginning to wear off, but she didn't know why this side of him was still shining. He still wanted her to stay, but he refused to let her sleep on the couch.

She stared at him for a moment, wondering why he didn't seem to be the same Derek that she'd come to get used to during her stay in Seattle. He was different, maybe even good different. But Addison wondered where this Derek had been when she was still trying to save their marriage. She wondered where all of his love and caring had gone. Maybe this wasn't love or care, but it was pretty damn close, especially in comparison to how he'd been treating her the past few months.
dr_shep on December 15th, 2006 04:59 am (UTC)
Derek placed his hand softly on her hip, guiding her toward the bed, "Stay in bed with me, Addie. Just for tonight."

He hated himself for needing her so much. It was wrong. He'd not needed for for so long, and he only needed her the moment he couldn't have her.

He was supposed to need Meredith. He was supposed to be yearning to wrap his arms around the frail blonde. Instead, all he could think of was holding his wife (who fit him so perfectly) and losing his face in her mess of red hair. He wasn't suposed to want Addison.

But he did. He glanced down at his hand resting softly on her hip, and he realized how much the small gesture meant. He'd been resting his hand in this very spot for more than a third of his life. He knew exactly what she looked like underneath his T-shirt and boxers because she was Addison. Her body was as familiar to him as his own.

As much as he had tried to deny these simple facts for months, it didn't make them any less true. And it only made everything more confusing. He just wished he could forget how perfect she was for him, and everything would work itself out. He didn't necessarily have faith that it would work the other way. And that terrified him.